Sun's Heir, Death's Guardian III: The Argonauts
by Bonesboy15
Summary: With the camps being run by children who don't fully understand war, Naruto makes a deal with the Olympians. The Argonauts were sent out to right a wrong once before, and now they go out again, this time to fight a war that won't be seen by mortal eyes. Guided by the firm hand of Hera and backed by the entire Council, Cronus will be juggling more than just two fronts. AU
1. Prelude

**AN: In honor of the ending of **_**Naruto**_**. There were some things I liked, some I didn't, but overall, it was a good ending.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Naruto**_** or **_**Percy Jackson and the Olympians**_**/**_**Heroes of Olympus**_**.**

**Sun's Heir, Death's Guardian III: The Argonauts**

**Prelude: Phoebe's Gift**

* * *

><p>The sun shone brightly down into the window of a bedroom. A young man with wild blond hair groaned and rolled onto his stomach. He grabbed a pillow and pulled it onto his head. The pillow warmed too quickly and the boy yelped. He tossed his pillow at the window and scowled at the current bane of his existence.<p>

"Alright, alright, geez, I'm up," he said. The sunlight died down and he sighed. He rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom across the hall. His hand grabbed onto the doorknob and jostled it. Nothing.

"It's occupied, dork!" A girl's voice called from within.

He groaned and pounded on the door. "Hurry up, will ya? I've gotta pee!"

The loud whirr of a fan caused the girl to shout. "Go use another bathroom then, this one is occupied!"

He pounded on the door again. "How long have you been in there?"

"None of your business! Now beat it before I call Mom!"

Resigned to his defeat, he walked down the hall to the stairs. The floorboards creaked and protested against his steps, but he ignored them and continued on. The smell of cooking meat filled the air and the sound of something sizzling hit his ears.

The bathroom could wait. Food was needed. Now.

"Morning," he said as he came into the kitchen and plopped into a chair.

The cook smiled lightly. "Morning, Bolt."

"Bacon and eggs, again?" Bolt sounded a bit disappointed.

The cook turned and narrowed two purple eyes at him. "Do you have something against bacon?"

"No, but this is like the third time in a row," Bolt said. "How many pigs did you kill to get all the bacon?"

The cook huffed. "Personally, I didn't kill any. I did pay a farmer for the meat though, so take your beef up with him."

"That was bad," Bolt said. He failed to hide his snicker.

The cook tittered as she made a plate. "Still made you laugh, didn't it? Where's your sister?"

"Hogging the bathroom," Bolt said. A plate was set in front of him and he smiled. "Thanks, Baachan!"

Kushina smiled back at him. "Anytime, Nikkō."

Bolt pouted. "Baachan, I'm eight years old, don't call me that anymore."

"But you'll _always_ be my little sunlight, Nikkō," Kushina gave him a tight hug. She kissed him on the head, and he whined at the over affection he got from his grandmother. "You've got a test today, so eat your breakfast and then go get ready."

"Hai, Baachan," Bolt said. He ate an egg and then went back upstairs to prepare for the day.

Muffled rock music came from the other side of the door with various signs that either said "No Dorks Allowed" or "Keep Out" and in the center was a poster for an _old_ rock band called AC/DC. Bolt had heard a few of their songs before thanks to a few archaic things called CDs he got from his grandfather. They weren't bad, but it was really weird to play one.

Bolt went into the bathroom with his chosen attire and showered. When he stepped out, he took a moment to look over himself in the mirror. Unruly blond hair that made him look like he was struck by lightning, blue eyes that were on the edge of being either electric or the same shade as the sky, and two whisker marks that covered either cheek. He then made a few faces before brushing his teeth. It was the little things in life he did to make himself smile.

* * *

><p>Bolt left the bathroom fresh and clean, with a white T-shirt that had a small spiraling flame on it and black shorts that had pockets to hide all his troublemaking gear. He had a big plan for Aburame-sensei and Sarutobi-sensei today. He grabbed the supplies he needed from his room and ran down the stairs, nearly bowling over his sister in the process.<p>

"Watch it, dork! You're going to get someone killed," Joan said. Joan was a teenager, having been born five years before him. She was a near carbon copy of their mother; only she had their father's unique eyes and faint whiskers hidden underneath her freckles. Even her personality was the same as their mom's.

"Maybe if you moved your big butt I wouldn't run into it," Bolt said in return.

"You little-Come here!" Two tanned hands reached out to grab him, but Bolt slipped away and ran for the kitchen, his sister right behind him. Bolt skid to a stop before he could run into the woman giving him the 'Glare of Doom' (patent pending) from the kitchen entryway. She was dressed in formfitting black jeans, a solid black shirt and a white jacket with gold trimming. Her untamed raven locks reached her tense shoulders and two intense eyes glared down at him for daring to run within her home.

So distracted by this obstacle in his way, Bolt failed to elude his sister, who grabbed him under the head with one arm and proceeded to give him the worst noogie of his life to date with her other hand.

"Ow! Joan! Stop!" Bolt struggled to get free from his older sister's wrath.

"You need to learn some manners!" Joan said as she ground her knuckles into his head. There was a sharp whack and Bolt dropped to the ground, his hands on his head. Joan held her own and scowled at her attacker. "Mom! He started it!"

"And I'm finishing it. Get in the kitchen, both of you."

"But I already ate," Bolt said.

"Kitchen." The electric blue eyes narrowed. "Now."

"Yes, Mom." The two siblings quickly took seats at the table across from each other. Bolt tried not to meet Joan's eyes, but he failed in his endeavor and swallowed heavily when she mouthed 'I will get you later.' He made note to stay out of Joan's sight for most of the day until she cooled down.

"Here you are Ran'un." Kushina set a plate down in front of the girl.

Joan frowned at the name. "Baachan..."

"Don't you start too," Kushina said with a pout. "If I can still call your brother Nikkō, you'll still be my little storm cloud."

"What's the word for pain in the butt?" Thalia asked with a smirk.

"I thought they called that 'work'?" Kushina smiled and handed a plate over to Thalia, who took it with her left hand, a golden and silver band on the ring finger.

"That's only if you hate your job, Kaachan." A tall man walked into the kitchen, he wore a white flak jacket over a white shirt with a golden Omega on the front. A pair of dark jeans covered his legs and taped around his left thigh was a kunai pouch. The man had short hair and three whisker marks on either cheek, unlike the two that were on Bolt and Joan's.

Thalia turned and smiled lightly. "Morning, Whiskers."

"Morning, Lia-chan." Naruto bent over and gave Thalia a kiss on the lips. Bolt gagged and Joan rolled her eyes. Their parents were so gross sometimes. He grinned when his father put a hand on his head and ruffled his hair. "Morning kids. Ready for the test today, Bolt?"

Bolt grinned. "You bet! I've got it in the bag! Shikadai already gave me the answers!"

Naruto grinned back at his son as he pulled out his seat. "Atta boy."

"You really shouldn't encourage their cheating, Naruto," Kushina said, waving her ladle at him.

"If you're not cheating, you're not trying." Joan loosened her headband around her neck and shifted her shoulders to adjust her flak jacket.

Naruto beamed at her from where he stood. "That's right, hime."

Bolt snickered. "Yeah, she's a princess, all right."

"Shut up, dork," Joan said. Her sun-like pupils glared at her brother for his mockery.

"Stop fighting at the table," Thalia said around a bite of her bacon.

"Yes Mom." The two siblings settled for glaring at each other.

"Thanks, Kaachan." Naruto took his offered breakfast and set it on the table. "How many more days do you have off?"

"Lady Persephone was kind enough to give me these past three. I have to leave today, sochi," Kushina said. Naruto smiled sadly gave her a hug. They held it for a few seconds before Kushina walked around and hugged her grandchildren, kissing both on the side of their heads against their wishes before she gave Thalia a hug goodbye.

"Same time for Christmas this year?" Thalia asked as they pulled apart.

"Hopefully," Kushina said. She sighed. "That idiot just _loves_ to laze around in the winter."

"I think it's cool!" Bolt said. "Dark most of the day and bright for a bit, it's like a giant firework!"

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," Joan said with a roll of her eyes.

Now seated at the table, Naruto whacked her hand with his fork. "Be nice."

"Yes, Daddy," Joan said. She glared at Bolt when he made a victorious face at her.

"Bye!" Kushina exploded in a plume of smoke.

Bolt looked at his father. "When do I get to learn the Shunshin (Body Flicker)?"

"After you graduate," Naruto said. He put his egg between two pieces of toast and went to Thalia's side. He kissed her softly on the lips. "I should get going, too. Big day, today. Meeting and all."

"Yeah, yeah. Just get going already," Thalia said with a small smile.

"So eager for me to leave! It's almost scandalous," Naruto said. He chuckled at the frown she gave him for his insinuation and stole another kiss. "Tell your mystery boyfriend I said hello!"

He vanished in a flash of light.

"That idiot," Thalia said under her breath, her cheeks the lightest tinge of pink. She gave a stern look to her son. "You're _not_ allowed to be like your father when you grow up."

"What? Why?" His dad was awesome!

"Because he _always_ makes Mom hot and bothered before he leaves." Joan smiled innocently as Thalia glared daggers at her.

Bolt just looked between them in confusion. "What's that mean?"

"You'll find out when you're older, dork," Joan said. She set her plate on the counter and ran for the door. "I'm going out to train with my team! Later Mom, bye Bolt!"

The door was open for a second before she took off to the sky. Bolt pouted jealously. He wished he could fly like that. Last time he tried to copy Uncle Jason, he broke his wrist.

"Help me do the dishes, Bolt," Thalia said with a sigh at her daughter's behavior. The girl left the door open again. "Then you can go to school. And you _better_ stay there."

"Yes, Mom."

* * *

><p>"Settle down, settle down." The tall and stoic man that was Aburame Shino, known as Aburame-sensei by the class, looked at his students. His gaze was locked on one student in particular behind his strange glasses. He turned and nodded to his companion, who shrugged with a carefree smile on his face.<p>

Bolt smiled innocently as he assumed his sensei stared at him. The last thing he needed was to be called out before the fun could really begin. The test was passed out by Sarutobi-sensei and Bolt stared at it for a moment before he looked up at his teachers. Both were sitting down.

Perfect.

His hands came together in the ram seal and Bolt channeled his chakra to the seals he had slapped under the chairs after school the day before.

Sarutobi-sensei's reaction was the most distracting, but Aburame-sensei was certainly the most entertaining. While Sarutobi-sensei jumped up and hollered while he held his rear end, Aburame-sensei went stiff as a board and slumped forward.

Bolt grinned at his co-conspirator, who rolled his eyes and pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it across the isle. He copied the answers word for word and then handed the answer key back.

_Thank you, Hermes_, Bolt thought.

"Bolt!"

"It wasn't me, Sarutobi-sensei!"

* * *

><p>"Sir, you have to call his parents! They need to be the ones to discipline him. Nothing we do works," Konohamaru Sarutobi said to the head of the academy.<p>

"I don't have to do anything of the sort." The man had his hands intertwined in front of him, and frowned at Bolt. "You do know what I will do instead, yes?"

It took a few moments, but suddenly Bolt's eyes were wide. "Just call my Mom, please, Umino-jiji! Anything but _that_! If my dad finds out I'm responsible for _that_..."

"Yes, Hokage-sama would be displeased at his favorite restaurant's sudden decision to blacklist him," Iruka said. He rubbed his chin. "I suppose the only other option we have...is detention..."

"Yes! Yes, anything but _that_!" Bolt nodded frantically. The last time his father was kept from Ramen...well...He heard that the village of Iron _was_ a nice looking place.

Iruka smiled at the amused Konohamaru. "See? No fuss necessary. Just send a note for three weeks detention home. For now, let him enjoy his weekend. If he has one."

Konohamaru chuckled. "You're a sadist, Umino-san."

"I'm insulted that you would say that, Sarutobi-kun," Iruka said. He waved the two off and went back to his book that depicted a boy standing in the ocean with a sparking tube in his hand. "Now go, both of you. I have reading to catch up on."

Konohamaru shook his head and led Bolt out of the office. "How does your dad do it, kid? A series of books and running the village? Shadow clones?"

"They're unreliable," Bolt said with a frown. It just sunk in that he sacrificed the next three weeks of his freedom to survive his father's wrath. Hopefully, it was a smart decision.

"Well, I hope he plans to hand the hat down soon. People aren't going to care who runs the village if his books keep selling like they are. What number is he on? Three? Four?"

"His next book is a special one," Bolt said with a smile. "Neechan wrote a story for it. And I got to help Grandpa write one!"

"Really?" Konohamaru asked, amused. He opened the doors to the academy and smirked. "I'll have to check it out when it's released. Maybe if it's good, you can use that to increase your grades. Get going, Bolt. And don't cause any trouble today."

"Yes sir," Bolt said. He ran off and jumped at the nearest cart. He climbed to the roof of the building next to it with a gleeful smile on his face. With a sudden idea, Bolt turned right and headed for one of his and Joan's favorite baby sitters.

* * *

><p>He came to a stop when he got to the tall mountainside. To the left was a pond nearly large enough to be a lake and to the right was a large cave carved in beneath the seventh head on the Hokage Monument. Hesitantly, Bolt went into the cave. It wasn't that he was scared of what was inside, but the darkness always made him uneasy. He swallowed and snapped his fingers. His hand crackled to life with blue static, giving off a dim glow.<p>

"Ojisan?" Bolt's voice bounced off the walls of the cave. There was a deep growl before something slipped around his ankle and Bolt was pulled into the cave with a yell. He soon found himself dangling upside down, and his electric sky blue eyes stared into a giant red one.

"You should keep yourself aware of your surroundings, Bolt." The owner of the eye turned Bolt around and set him on the ground. "Shouldn't you be out pranking someone?"

"I wanted you to teach me a new trick!" Bolt grinned eagerly.

"No." The fox didn't bother to hesitate.

"What? Come on, Ojisan!"

"Go ask your father for another jutsu."

Bolt frowned. "Dad's too busy with work."

"Then ask your mother to help you with your electrokinesis."

"I already learned the basics and she won't help me with anything else until I'm a ninja," Bolt said. If only he hadn't broken his wrist when he was six.

The large form of Bolt's Ojisan shifted until it was fully facing him. "...How goes your chakra control?"

"I can walk up ten feet without falling off the tree," Bolt said proudly. That was higher than anyone else in the class.

"...Come to me when you can walk up and down a thirty foot tall tree." The red eyes closed and a deep steady breathing filled the air.

Bolt frowned. "Can't you teach me anything?"

A red eye cracked open. "You won't leave without something, will you?"

"Nope!"

"Fine." The large kitsune sighed. "We'll work on aerokinesis again."

Bolt groaned. "I'm no good at it, though!"

"That's why we practice. You may never be able to fly like your sister or uncle, but gusts of wind are no laughing joke. The best way to practice this is to learn something your _grandfather_ made."

"You're going to teach me the Hiraishin?!" Bolt's excitement made him glow lightly.

"No."

Bolt deflated and dimmed.

"I will be teaching you the move he created based off of my own attack: The Rasengan."

Bolt's eyes widened excitedly. Even Joan didn't know the Rasengan yet! She'll be so jealous!

* * *

><p>"Ow," Bolt said. After a few hours of failed attempts, he left his Ojisan's cave sore and littered with a few scrapes that were slowly healing up. Bolt winced at the nasty gash on his palm. It wasn't as bad as it was before, but he couldn't go home with it. His mom would ask too many questions – not to mention freak out at the gash – and his dad would probably figure out where he had been. That would result in another grounding on top of the already bad news he had to give them.<p>

So, Bolt walked to his second home away from home, the bookstore. He liked to read, ever since his dad first read him _The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Ninja_ Bolt was hooked. He even had copies of his dad's books, and he knew Joan had a few of them, but neither of them said anything. They didn't want their dad to try and appeal to them specifically...or stop with the free previews.

"Hey, Bolt-kun!"

Bolt smiled at the cashier. "Hey, Reiko-neechan!"

"Hiding out again, huh?" Reiko smiled back at him. She was a few years older than Joan and just an inch or so shorter than his mom. Her brown hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and her golden eyes were hiding behind two wire-framed glasses. She was dressed in a tracksuit that Bolt heard his father say was a gift from her grandmother.

"Yeah, just until I finish healing some scrapes," Bolt said.

"Went to see Kurama-sama again?" Reiko asked. She shook her head. "Your mother will have a cow. And then Kyofu-sama will have to protect the cow from her."

"Kurama-Ojisan is so cool though!" Bolt said, missing the joke Reiko made. "He's teaching me something that even Joan doesn't know!"

"Really? Well don't tell me any more or I'll have to tell her. The girl-code is strong, you know," Reiko said. She waved him over. "Want to come sneak a peek at the final book?"

"You got a copy!?" Bolt was shocked. His dad only let his mom or the publisher look at the drafts. He was at her side before he registered the fact that he was in motion. "What's the title?"

"_Percy Jackson and The Last Olympian_," Reiko said. "It's not finished, but it's a good first chapter."

"Ew...it starts with Uncle Percy on a date," Bolt said with a frown once he got through the first paragraph.

"But it's not with Annabeth," Reiko said. She had a grin on her face.

"So? It's gross. I don't want to read about Uncle Percy kissing a girl," Bolt said. He hopped down and walked away. "I'm going to find _The Titan's Curse_. That one's my favorite!"

"That's because your mom is in it." Reiko rolled her eyes.

"It's the most interesting one!" Bolt denied with a light flush. "Artemis and Grandpa are in it." He walked through the aisles before he grabbed the book in question and pulled it off the shelf. "And Aunt Bianca let Dad kill her off in the book."

"Always the most interesting choice in the series," Reiko said. She flipped through the pages in front of her before she looked up. "Did your dad ever tell you why he never wrote himself in the books?"

"Because he's cooler than Uncle Percy and would outshine him?" Bolt asked while he flipped through the book to the last chapter he was on at home. He walked back to the front of the store and sat down behind the counter.

Reiko smirked and whapped him on the head. "No, you little idolizer. Kyofu left himself out because he thinks that the camps could've done it without him."

Bolt rolled his eyes. "Yeah right. And then you'll say Uncle Nico wouldn't have become the head of Camp Olympia. He's so angst-y in these books."

"I think it's cute," Reiko said. "Though I wonder how Miss Hazel will come out from the Underworld. Or how Mr. Grace met Mrs. Grace!"

Bolt gagged at the thought of his Aunt and Uncle hooking up. "You sound like Aiko Inuzuka. She's always spouting off things that make me think she's a daughter of Aphrodite."

"Maybe she is." Reiko grinned. "Inuzuka-san is a good-looking guy."

"For a washed up mutt, maybe," Bolt said under his breath. Reiko swatted his head and he chuckled. "That's what dad called him!"

"Humph, your father and Inuzuka-san have been butting heads for as long as I've known them." Reiko hummed and turned another page. "Is your hand healed?"

Bolt looked at his hand and saw that only a faint red mark remained. "Yeah, it is."

"I'll put the book away for you."

"Thanks, neechan," Bolt said as he closed the book and got to his feet. "See you around, neechan. Tell me when the next book comes out, okay?"

"Will do, Bolt," Reiko said with a smile.

* * *

><p>Bolt left the bookstore with his hands in his pockets and his head hung. His mother was going to kill him for getting three weeks worth of detention. Not to mention his father's disappointment. He thought for sure that he wasn't going to get blamed for his prank...then again, the shock tags were probably his motif by now. Maybe if he went the toad route...<p>

Bolt grunted as he ran into something and fell to his butt. "Hey, watch where you're going!"

"Idiot, you're the one that needs to watch where you're going." Bolt looked up into the unique eyes of his older sister.

"Oh, hey Joan," he said quietly. He wasn't sure if she was still mad.

"Hey yourself dork," Joan said. Well, she wasn't too mad. She offered him her hand and pulled him to his feet. "Where've you been?"

"Nowhere," Bolt said, looking off to the side.

Joan chuckled. "You suck at lying."

"So do you!" Bolt gave her an accusing look. "I'll bet you were flirting with that Nara guy again!"

Joan narrowed her eyes. "I wasn't flirting with Miroku!"

"I never said it was Miroku," Bolt said. He was pulled into a headlock.

"What are you going to do, tell on me?" Joan asked.

"Maybe," Bolt said, grunting as Joan tightened her grip.

"If you tell Dad, I swear to the gods they won't find your body for seven days." Joan started to take them off of the ground. She grabbed the back of Bolt's shirt and pulled him up so he could wrap his arms around her neck. "You're lucky that it's almost dinner time or I would hang you by Dad's nose."

Bolt shuddered, recalling the last poor bastard that Joan had done such a thing to. It was in retaliation for touching her butt. She got grounded for three months, but neither of their parents really enforced the punishment. In fact, their mother seemed to be extremely proud and he was sure there was a picture of it in his father's study. The day after, there was a silver pamphlet in the mail addressed to Joan and their parents had a small argument. It was over by the next day and no one brought up the pamphlet again.

They made it back to the small apartment complex that was remodeled into their home. Their mother opened the door and let Joan go in to wash up, while she waited at the door expectantly for Bolt's explanation. He just handed her the piece of paper he had gotten earlier.

Thalia read the note silently, and then shook her head. "Consider yourself grounded for the next two weekends. Go get ready for dinner and then after you can tell your father about your _brilliant_ idea for today's disruption in class."

"Yes Mom," Bolt said.

* * *

><p>Dinner was a nice affair. They were treated with their father's special hamburgers made from Apollo's red cattle (with permission), something Bolt greatly enjoyed, but Joan was a bit miffed they didn't have ramen. It was a simple family dinner, the four of them talking about their day. Bolt wisely kept out his training with Kurama and his reading, but did mention he visited Reiko after school. His mother talked about a conversation she had with her cousin about next summer's visit. His father complained about an annoying councilman trying to convince him to export Ichiraku as a worldwide dish. Joan talked about getting a tricky collaboration jutsu down with her team, saying they'd show it off once it was perfected.<p>

When dinner ended, Joan was roped into doing dishes and Bolt went into his father's study to tell him about his day. After he finished telling his dad about his prank, he let out a sigh of relief when his dad started to laugh.

"Tags on the chairs," Naruto said with a chuckle. He wiped a tear away from his eye. "That's brilliant, Bolt. Your fuinjutsu is getting better. Uncle Herm and Dad would be proud."

"You think so?" Bolt asked.

"Yep." Naruto nodded, a faint smile still on his face. It fell into a frown. "I have to agree with your mother, though. The next two weekends are ours. You don't get to play Valdez' video games, curfew bedtime-"

"Aww..."

"And...I suppose you'll have to accompany me tomorrow to Camp Olympia."

Bolt perked up. "For real!?"

Naruto smiled lightly. "Your sister was your age when I first took her, it's only fair. Plus, Annie would love to see her 'cute little nephew' again before the summer reunion."

Bolt groaned. "I hope she doesn't try to teach me Latin again."

"I'll protect you from the evils of learning on a Saturday," Naruto said. He ruffled his son's hair. "Nico will be happy to see you. He misses his little buddy."

"I hope so," Bolt said. He yawned and stretched. "Uncle Nico's cool..."

Naruto arched a brow. "Someone seems tired for not having that eventful of a day."

"Weird," Bolt said. He forced back another yawn, but it still escaped his lips. His eyes drooped slightly. He blanked out for a second and soon found himself being carried by his dad. Bolt yawned again. "Dad?"

"Yeah, Bolt?"

"Can you read me something?" Bolt asked softly.

Naruto cracked a smile. "Sure. What do you want to read?"

" _...The Lightning Thief..._"

"If that's what you want."

Bolt was laid in bed and tried his hardest to keep his eyes open while his dad left the room. A beat passed and his dad walked back in, the book in hand. Bolt scooted over and let his dad take a seat next to him. Naruto opened the book and held it down so they both could look at the Ancient Greek alphabet that resided within.

"_Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood. If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. __Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life. Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways. If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened. But if you recognize yourself in these pages-if you feel something stirring inside –stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before they sense it too, and they'll come for you._"

Bolt's eyes started to drift shut again. The last thing he heard before sleep overtook him was his father's voice. "_Don't say I didn't warn you. My name is Percy Jackson._"

* * *

><p>Blue eyes snapped open and were immediately shielded from the sun's proud beam. Three whisker marked cheeks contorted into a pained grimace. The blond owner of the cheeks and eyes grabbed at his hand, which felt like it was on fire. He pushed the remnants of his dream to the back of his mind and focused on the pain in his hand. The dream would be forgotten for a long while, accessible to only one other who found the whole thing extremely amusing.<p>

"Well wasn't that nice of Phoebe?" Helios asked himself as he watched the dream play through fully through his connection to Naruto's subconscious. "Good to know there's a happy ending to all of this. Bolt huh? I wonder what story he will have."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And so marks the end of a wonderful journey, and yet begins another. I hope you all enjoyed the prelude to the third and final installment to Sun's Heir, Death's Guardian!<strong>

**REVIEW!**


	2. I

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Naruto**_** or **_**Percy Jackson and the Olympians**_**.**

**Sun's Heir, Death's Guardian III: The Argonauts**

**I**

* * *

><p><em>"Booty, booty, this store sells booty (butt cheeks). Booty, booty, this store sells booty (make that ass clap)!<em>" blared from the radio of a burnt orange Challenger parked outside of a Wendy's. From the driver's window hung a sandal-clad foot that moved to the hip-hop beat. The owner of the foot and car had a fry hanging out of his mouth. A navy blue cap with a big red B plastered on it covered his blond hair, purchased just to irritate his father and pseudo little sister. He clapped along with the song when it asked him to and chuckled at the line that would most certainly piss his aunt off: "_You could improve your personality, but who the hell wants that? When you can find your self-esteem in the form of a brand new ass._"

The driver's right hand reached over and grabbed the vanilla shake in the cup holder. After he took a sip, the driver sang along to the lyrics of the song by Ray William Johnson. He chuckled and applauded once the song ended. He switched the radio back to a punk rock station, Green Day blared from the speakers. He grabbed another fry and glanced at the mirror.

"Bout time," he said as the passenger side door opened and a middle-aged man sidled in. He was wearing a black fedora, dark aviators, a white wife-beater and jeans.

"Hey, man, it ain't easy to move around unnoticed for me." The newcomer said. He took a fry from the pouch, getting a glare from the younger blond. "I'm a celebrity, you know."

"Yeah, the devil that everyone knows with a fedora and sunglasses," the younger man said. "I've been meaning to ask, what's with the country-rock thing lately? I like it, just curious, you know?"

"I've always been about music that my soul feels, man. When I was your age, I was angry and energetic. Now, I'm a bit mellowed out. Still like to party though."

"Right, right. Well, two things I need to ask."

"Go ahead," the fedora man said. He reached for the shake, but his hand got slapped. He held his hand. "Fuck, man, I'm just thirsty."

"Look, you may be my great-whatever nephew, but you're not drinking my shake, okay?"

"Stingy."

"Suck it up," the younger man said. "Anyway, the first thing I want to ask is if you got a hold of the others?"

"Yeah. Here's a list of people who said they'll keep an eye out," the man said. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper. "I'll keep my ear to the ground, too. I've got some people."

"Right, well, you know the rules about electronics."

"Yeah, yeah. I can see them, but I've learned to ignore them."

"Entirely?"

"No, I'm not that stupid."

"Cool. And as for my second question, can you sign this?" A CD was held up along with a marker. "Girlfriend's birthday is coming up soon. She's not a huge fan, but she appreciates your older stuff."

"Alternative girl, huh?"

"Punk."

"Not bad. Yeah, here." The man signed the cover and then popped the case open; the disk got a signature as well. "Anything else you need, Naruto?"

"Nah. Thanks for your time, Mr. Ritchie," Naruto said as he tucked the CD away into the compartment next to him. Mr. Ritchie got out of the car and tipped his hat before walking over to a black Harley parked nearby.

_"I still can't believe you know him."_

Naruto smirked. "It's all about connections, Helios."

_"Speaking of, while it's nice to be out of the cold Long Island, why are we in California and _not_ going to the Other Camp?"_

"Because _I_ have no purpose to drop in on Jason or Reyna while they prepare for their parts in the war," Naruto said. He pulled his foot in and changed the station to something playing Daft Punk's 'Superheroes'. He nodded his head to the beat while he turned Soul on and revved the engine. He drove over to the nearest trashcan and ditched his garbage, the last fry hung from his mouth as he did.

Naruto pulled out of the Wendy's and drove south with a small frown on his face. "Are you ready for this?"

_"A chance to beat his smug ass into the ground again? Shit, any god could tell you he's ready for this,"_ Helios said.

Naruto nodded and moved his hand to the gearshift. He winced as he did. His hand felt like it was being ripped apart from the inside out. It was Ares' message: time to fight. That was part of the reason why he headed over to California, he needed to make sure his intelligence was still strong and his connections were holding up in case Ares won.

The other part was to get away from Camp for a bit. He and Percy were butting heads more often than he would like. Percy didn't like half of the missions Naruto would develop and would often question the reasons behind them. Annabeth would eventually get involved and Naruto's missions would be shunted aside once she heard he was designing potentially fatal ones, considered by the leading strategist to be _too_ dangerous for campers. This was _after_ the gods, via Mr. D., signed off on his request to lead missions into enemy territory with potential to not return. Did the kids care? No.

_They're too young to understand,_ Naruto thought. He frowned and pushed down on the pedal. _Stupid brat. Making my job difficult._

_"And now you know how Zeus feels when he has to meet with his brother."_

"Wonderful."

* * *

><p>The 'brat' in question was standing outside a flower boutique with Thalia and Bianca.<p>

"So...You two got the same letter, right?" Percy asked.

"'Come to Phony's Pottery Place. An important quest awaits you,'" Thalia said, reading the small note in her hand. She let static cover her hand and crackled the paper into a ball. "If this was Whisker's idea of a joke, it's not funny."

"Naruto didn't send this," Bianca said softly. She was very introverted after she recovered from her case of bubonic plague, speaking only to her brother, boyfriend and guardian when necessary. Bianca still trained, but Percy could tell her self-esteem was very low. "It's not his handwriting. And this place..."

"Yeah, might as well go inside," Percy said. He tossed the note over his shoulder and went up to the door. He put his hand on the handle and opened the door. Thalia and Bianca followed him inside. Percy looked around at all the various potted plants that surrounded them. "Well...it's not a Phony place."

Thalia rolled her eyes at the lame joke. "Thank you for that observation, Percy."

Percy ignored her sarcasm. He went over to a small shrub of pomegranates and touched one of the fruits. "Fresh. Someone just watered them."

Bianca turned from where she was and her eyes widened. "We need to leave!"

Percy started to ask her why, but his question was cut off as the floor beneath him opened up. It happened beneath Bianca and Thalia's feet as well and the three plummeted into darkness. They fell for a good five minutes before six glowing chains shot out from the shadowy ground and wrapped around their midsections. Their descent slowed until they landed on solid ground. They dropped to their knees, trying hard to recover their breath. When they finally did regain their breath, the three got back to their feet and warily looked around.

"Bianca-chan! Thalia-chan!" The excitable redheaded mother of one Naruto Uzumaki pulled the two girls into a tight hug.

"Kushina!" Bianca happily hugged her teacher back while Thalia struggled to escape the hug.

Kushina smiled at her and looked at Percy. "Hey Percy. Sally gave you the letter I see."

"If you're quite done, Kushina, we have things to discuss." A woman walked into the dim light. Percy's breath was taken away at her appearance. She was tall and beautiful with curly black hair that flowed down past her shoulders. Her skin was pale and her eyes were multicolored, similar to that daughter of Aphrodite that hung out with Thalia, only a bit faded.

Kushina pouted and let the girls go. "Yes Lady Persephone."

"Thank you," Thalia said to the goddess while she rubbed her side. Bianca shied away from Persephone and stayed close to Kushina. Thalia crossed her arms over her chest. "Could someone tell us what the hell is going on?"

Persephone pursed her lips. "Despite your manners, or lack thereof, I intend to do just that. Percy Jackson, several years ago you recovered Zeus' Master Bolt from a thief. I request you retrieve another symbol of power. My husband's sword has been stolen."

Bianca frowned. "But, isn't his symbol of power his helmet?"

"That's what I thought," Percy said.

Kushina released a snicker and Persephone glared at her, her pale cheeks coloring slightly. "Be silent, Kushina."

"Yes, Lady Persephone," Kushina said. The smile was still on her face.

Persephone looked back at the demigods. "Despite this being true, his sword is stronger than his helmet. Hades' sword was made with one of the Keys of Hades."

"And that is?" Thalia asked.

"Each key has the ability to send souls to the Underworld. It can also free them," Bianca said

"The sword was made with one, so Lord Hades does not even need to finish his opponent off, he simply has to touch them with his blade," Persephone said.

"That's bad?" Percy asked. That kind of weapon could be useful for their side.

"Yes, idiot, that's bad," Thalia said. Percy glared at her for the insult and she glared back. "We're fighting against Titans, if they can bring back anyone we kill can you imagine how long, or how short, this war would be? Not to mention how freaking OP that is. Poseidon's trident can't will things to and from the ocean and while Zeus can fry someone within three hundred meters of his target, he can't banish people to space. The sword unbalances the power between the Big Three."

"Okay, so it's bad," Percy said, brooding over his defeat. He looked back at the Queen of the Underworld and frowned slightly. "But why us?"

"Children of Zeus, Poseidon and Hades are amongst the strongest demigods to be born," Persephone said, a bit of a frown on her face at the mention of her husband's infidelity. Bianca ducked back behind Kushina while the red-haired woman snorted in disagreement.

"Naruto could wipe the floor with some of their children," Kushina said. Thalia and Percy sent her annoyed looks while she shrugged their gazes off. Her baby was badass just like his momma!

"Yes, and while I would normally turn to him as he is under my Husband's command, he is otherwise preoccupied," Persephone said.

"With what?" Thalia asked.

"Olympian duties," Persephone said before Kushina could open her mouth. Thalia narrowed her eyes in disbelief but Persephone ignored it. "You must find the thief and stop him before he escapes. Hades has closed the realm until the sword is returned, but you must hurry, I fear what happens if the sword falls into the enemy's hands."

"But this is the Underworld," Percy said. "It's the ultimate prison, right? The thief can't escape."

"Percy, you do remember that _you_ escaped with your father's aid?" Kushina asked with an amused smile.

Percy had the decency to blush. He had overlooked that.

"How will we know if he escapes?" Bianca asked. Persephone looked at her stepdaughter, a flash of annoyance danced across her eyes before it vanished, and she held her hand out. Before the demigods' eyes, a carnation appeared in her hand, bright red and seemingly glowing in the darkness. She offered it to Bianca, who took it hesitantly and carefully.

"This carnation will always face the thief and lose petals as time elapses. When the last petal falls, the thief will have escaped. Good luck, demigods." Persephone vanished in a swirl of shadows and left the lingering scent of pomegranate juice behind.

Kushina smiled and patted Bianca on the shoulder. "Keep to your training. Search out the Hermit. He will help you. Despite his faults, he's the best spy in Lord Hades' forces. Nothing happens in the Underworld without him knowing about it."

"Who's the Hermit?" Percy asked.

Kushina shook her head. "A very old, and I use the term lightly, friend. He is eccentric, but he is a good man. Be careful Percy. Watch out for Bianca-chan, she's still so young. And you be careful too, Thalia-chan. I still want grandbabies, dattebane."

"Would you get lost?!" Thalia asked, her face red.

Kushina laughed and vanished in a cloud of smoke.

"...What was that about?" Percy asked.

Thalia glared at him so hard Percy worried she might actually shoot lightning out of her eyes. "None of your damn business, that's what."

"The Hermit, where would the Hermit be?" Bianca asked softly.

"Who knows? Let's just start walking before I lose my cool," Thalia said.

Bianca nodded and led the way after she drew her sword from her back. It was made of Stygian Iron, much like Nico's katana, but was shorter by at least a foot. Bianca led them through a small passageway that was lighter than their surroundings, slicing a few souls that were trying to latch onto them.

* * *

><p>A half-hour passed and the group had made their way out of the cavern into the Fields of Asphodel. Bianca had her work cut out for her and handed the flower to a very unenthusiastic Percy. Thalia got a kick out of it, though.<p>

"So do you know anything about the Hermit?" Percy asked Bianca.

"I've heard my father mention him once or twice," Bianca said. She sliced down a ghastly woman that reached out for her. "Persephone doesn't like him and neither does Kushina, but Kushina has told me he's a good man before."

"It sounded like she was trying to reassure herself more than us," Thalia said. "I think it was someone Whiskers knew."

Percy rolled his eyes. "Of course it was."

Thalia frowned at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Percy said with a grunt. They continued through the fields silently, the conversation dead as the people around them.

There was a loud 'BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!' in the distance, and that was followed by a loud exclamation of "DAMMIT! I ALMOST HAD THE FUCKING THING! ONE MORE TIME, NEXT TIME I'LL GET IT FOR SURE!"

"Where's a swear jar when you need one?" Percy asked as the loud swearing continued. "I think I could make five hundred dollars easy."

"That's not who I think it is, is it?" Thalia asked, trying not to laugh.

"Yep," Bianca said. They walked towards the swearing and soon another set of booms were heard and felt. Bianca led them around a bend and they found an ugly troll of a man that pushed his shoulder against a boulder. Bianca frowned. "Sisyphus. The man who tried to cheat death and lost."

"We should question him before he gets halfway up the hill," Thalia said. Percy and Bianca nodded in agreement. They ran over to Sisyphus just as he pressed his hands against the boulder.

Sisyphus must've seen them because he wigged out and started running around the boulder. "Ah! Furies! I'm pushing the rock, you can't punish me!"

"We're not the Furies," Percy said. He, Thalia and Bianca chased him around the boulder.

"Ha! I highly doubt that!" Sisyphus said. They ran around the boulder for a few moments before Thalia snapped.

"Screw this! Aegis!" she said. Thalia raised her arm and her replica of Aegis unfolded out from around her wrist. Sisyphus ran right into it and fell to his back, scrambling away.

"Ah! Fiend! I do my task! I have yet to stop! I just need, uh, rest! Rest!" he pleaded.

"Then rest," Bianca said. Sisyphus' eyes trailed to her blade and he swallowed audibly.

"Where does a fiend like you get a blade like _that_?" Sisyphus asked.

"From my father, Hades," Bianca said. Sisyphus narrowed his eyes at her and then reached out to kick Thalia in the shin.

"Ow! What the hell, asshole!?"

"Not Furies," Sisyphus said. He climbed to his feet and looked around anxiously. "Demigods then. All right, I will rest. Hey, would you three like something to eat? Just watch my boulder for me and I'll grab something."

"Don't listen to anything he says that's not related to escaping the Underworld," Bianca said as she sheathed her blade.

"Escaping the Underworld? You three are looking for a way out, too? Well, I'll cut you a deal. Someone pushes my boulder and I'll show you where to go," Sisyphus said. "Be a lot nicer than having a sword at my throat."

"A sword?" Thalia asked.

"Yeah, another demigod. He was anxious to leave, too," Sisyphus said. "He had like a giftwrapped shovel or something. I don't know, I was too worried about the sword."

"So we're looking for a demigod," Percy said. "Do you know what he looks like?"

"Ha! You won't get that information for free," Sisyphus said, rubbing his hands together. "Come on, make a deal. I'll tell you whatever you want."

Before any of them could agree, there was the sound of gurgling and the ground split open beneath Sisyphus' feet. He fell into the pit of muddy substance and swore again.

"No deals for you, Sissy."

"Stop calling me that, you ugly sonovabitch!" Sisyphus craned his neck to glare at the man crouched a good distance behind him.

"That's just rude." The man huffed and Percy looked over at him. His white hair stood out like a beacon in the darkness, the twin bangs dangled down past his jawline and a noticeable ponytail almost reached the top of his leg. His skin was a dulled tan and trailing down from his eyes to the bottom of his jaw were two red lines.

Around his head was a headband very much like Naruto's, horned and marked with strange kanji on the front. He wore faded olive green shirt and pants that looked like something ninja would wear with a red vest over it. Under his green shirt was a strange mesh and some sort of armor protected his arms. The man stood up and walked forward, his strange sandals clacked against the rocks. He looked like he was over six feet tall, maybe at the halfway point.

The man grinned once he towered over them and Sisyphus. A large hand clapped onto the old prisoner's shoulder and the man chortled. "Ah, Sissy, you should really learn to respect your betters. Trying to scheme your way out of another punishment was only going to increase your service."

Sisyphus said something in another language, Latin probably, that had the man laughing loudly. The man rubbed at his eye and sighed.

"That's a good one," he said. "Let me tell you one of mine."

His left hand opened and a familiar blue spiraling ball of energy formed in his hand. The man drove the attack into Sisyphus' gut, making the prisoner double over. His feet were still trapped in the mud, it kept him from flying off. Sisyphus fell back into the mud pit and the old man glared at him.

"Back to work, Sissy. You've got another eternity to get that boulder to the top of the hill," he said. Sisyphus was freed from the mud and he immediately got started on his punishment. The man smirked and turned back to the kids, his eyes leered over Thalia. "Why hello there..."

Thalia held up a crackling fist. "Try me."

"Kinky," he said. Percy's jaw dropped, Bianca turned so red she was glowing and Thalia erupted in a shower of static. She took a swing at him and the man jumped back, clearing ten feet with ease. He held his hands up in surrender and laughed. "So you're the three that Lady Persephone chose, huh? Not a bad pick. We've got the hot tempered hottie."

"Call me that again and see what happens," Thalia said.

"The idiot powerhouse." He pointed at Percy.

"Hey! I'm not an idiot!" Percy scowled at the man.

"How'd you wind up holding the flower then?"

Percy had no response for that.

"Plus, I heard your argument earlier," the man said. He looked at Bianca and nodded. "Then you're the insecure prodigy. Bet you're real good at handling swords, huh?"

Bianca didn't miss the innuendo and flushed even more red. Thalia and Percy glared at him, both still irritated at him. Thalia decided enough was enough.

"So who the hell are you, huh?" Thalia asked.

"I'm _so_ glad you asked!" the man then began to do a series of strange dance maneuvers. "From the mountain of Myouboku, home of the sagely toads. I am the epitome of manliness, women fawned over me for all of my life and now I rule the dead ladies with my charm and wit! I am the Toad Sage: Jiraiya!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah, you can go ahead and thank me. I gave you BoltBoruto in the last chapter and now I'm giving you Jiraiya! Aren't I awesome? **

**Feel free to say 'no'.**

**REVIEW!**


	3. II

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Naruto**_** or **_**Percy Jackson and the Olympians**_**.**

**Sun's Heir, Death's Guardian III: The Argonauts**

**II**

* * *

><p>"You're Jiraiya? The Perverted Sage that trained Naruto and his father?" Thalia asked. Jiraiya crumpled to his knees and a cloud of depressing rain hovered over him. Thalia absently wondered where the cloud came from.<p>

"'Perverted Sage'? That brat...He has no respect for his master, it should've been the first thing I taught him..." Jiraiya said while he drew circles in the ground with his finger. With a forlorn sigh, the spymaster got back to his feet and scowled at Thalia. "For your information, I am no mere 'pervert', foolish demigoddess!"

"Really, then what are you?" Percy asked.

Jiraiya roared in laughter before he grinned perversely and held his hands up. Thalia immediately made note to keep this guy in eyesight and a good distance from her at all times. He wiggled his fingers in a creepy manor when his laughter died down. "I'm a big one!"

"Great, that makes all the difference," Thalia said dryly. Bianca took a step closer to Thalia, a bit afraid of the man before her. Percy wondered what was wrong with the people from Naruto's homeland.

"Of course it does! It's not a hobby for me, it's a way of life!" Jiraiya said proudly. He vanished and reappeared with his arm around Percy. "You know what I'm talking about, right?"

"Wh-what?"

"C'mon, think about it kid. The slender curves, the ample busts, and the firm buttocks...You, my boy, are in the prime of your life! Allow me to show you the way to success!" Jiraiya grinned even wider and scratched his chin. "Maybe I'll corrupt you faster than I did Naruto. Chip off the old block, that one. It took him _two years_ before he succumbed to my ways, unlike his prude of a father."

"Apollo...prudish?" Thalia blinked in disbelief.

Jiraiya rolled his eyes. "Like you wouldn't _believe_! Always tattling on me to Tsunade-hime. And he turned an interesting shade of red or passed out whenever I offered him some advice when he was in his teens."

Thalia didn't seem too sure about that. Apollo was second only to Poseidon and Zeus when it came to having half-blood kids – though Kushina swore that would change – and having met the god in question, she didn't see him as the prudish type. She noticed even Percy and Bianca were giving the old guy looks of disbelief.

"Then again if I had scored a babe like Kushina at his age...No, I'd still probably have written Icha-Icha," Jiraiya said with a nod. He snapped his fingers. "That reminds me, I have to get a new draft to my publisher somehow...I'm calling it Icha-Icha Shinigami. Mm, some of the things I've seen down here...It's so deliciously raunchy."

"Zombie porn?" Percy asked with green cheeks. Thalia blanched along with him. That was an image she'd rather not have in her head.

A fist slammed into Percy's head, knocking the son of Poseidon to the ground. "FOOLISH BOY! Shinigami is a term used by my homeland for death god. Lord Hades and Lady Persephone have a lot of beauties hanging out around here! Like Medea, or Angelos, now there's a hottie...I heard she's the daughter of my personal hero."

Thalia, more aware of her familial ancestry, glowered at the man. "Zeus is your personal hero?"

"You know it! Married to one of the most beautiful women in the world _and_ still popping kids out left and right with others?" Jiraiya held his chest with a smile on his face. "Be still my beating heart."

"Talk about a weird man-crush." Percy got to his feet and glared at Jiraiya. "Why did you hit me?"

"Yeah, he doesn't have a lot of brain cells to spare," Thalia said. She smirked at Percy when he glared at her.

"Because, foolish fish boy, I am trying to bestow wisdom onto you and you are ignoring me!" Jiraiya glared at Percy, who glared right back. Jiraiya huffed. "Stubborn like the brat. Great, I have my work cut out for me. Again! Well, I just have to find your weakness. So which do you like better? Blondes? Redheads? I'm personally a blonde man, myself."

"Sir, we don't have time." Bianca pointed at the flower in Percy's hand. Four petals had fallen since they met him. "We need to find the thief."

Jiraiya looked at her and scratched his head. "Yeah, yeah, I suppose you're right." He pulled out a small piece of paper and gave it to Percy. "Give this to the brat when you next see him. He'll know what to do."

"I'll burn it before he gets it," Thalia said. Whatever that paper had on it, it can't be good. And Thalia would be damned before that...whatever it is winds up in Naruto's hands.

"As if I haven't heard that threat a thousand times from Tsu-hime," Jiraiya said. He shook his head. "The brat certainly picked that up from me and his father, his taste in attractive hotheaded women."

Thalia wasn't sure if that was an insult, a compliment, or both. So she just decided to glare at him.

Jiraiya ignored her and clapped his hands together. "Well, if we're going to find the little prick, let's get going. I've got a hot date tonight..."

"I highly doubt that," Thalia said.

"...With my telescope, my notebook and a small spring I found for Persephone's other handmaidens," Jiraiya said. He looked rather proud of his plans.

Thalia's eye twitched. "...I'd kill you if you weren't dead already."

Jiraiya just grinned at her. "I know."

* * *

><p>"<em>I am the toughest fucking ninja, that you've ever se-ee-en!<em>" Naruto sang along with his CD as he drove through South Dakota. "_I killed a king, and changed the course of European history! That's all in the past, I am changing fast, I'm switching up my stance...'cause I just wanna...I just wanna...Dance!_"

Someone blared their horn as they sped through the highway and Naruto shook his head, ignoring them. He turned up one of his recently discovered gems, Ninja Sex Party. He thanked the gods for letting him discover the beauty of YouTube musicians. The top of his watch list was Ray William Johnson's animated band Your Favorite Martian, with hits like "We Like Them Girls" "Tig Ol' Bitties" "Booty Store" and "8-Bit World". Granted, they weren't going to make him and his aunt any closer, but Naruto figured he would probably-maybe grow out of it. On second thought, he was too juvenile sometimes...Oh well. They were riots to listen to.

Closely following that was the two-man comedy band Ninja Sex Party. Naruto was enamored with their hits "I Just Wanna Dance" "No Reason Boner" and "If We Were Gay". The last one was a riot and Naruto always played it to mess with Leo's head. Unfortunately, it was another band that would probably gain his aunt's ire. Shame, it's all in good fun.

"_We got a bogey on our tail!"_

_Really, that's what you decide to go with?_ Naruto asks his past life.

"_I figured it would get your attention,"_ Helios said.

Naruto shook his head and looked in the rearview as a massive Harley pulled up next to him, the rider knocked on the window. Naruto rolled it down.

"Funny meeting you here," Naruto said over the roar of the wind. "I figured you'd want to meet up at the place."

"I got bored," Ares said. "We'll race there. Winner gets to set stipulations for the fight."

"You want stipulations?"

Ares' scowl deepened. "The Old Lady found out about our fight."

_Thank you, Hera._ Naruto thought. "Rules of the race?"

"Keep it mortal," Ares said.

"Swear on the Styx you'll do the same or I'll break those rules," Naruto said.

Ares smirked. "Alright, I swear on the Styx I'll keep my bike mortal."

The sky boomed.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Same."

"Then let's go!" Ares revved his engine and shot ahead with a cackle.

"_This would all be over if you had my chick magnet,"_ Helios said.

Naruto rolled his eyes and pressed down on the pedal. _Yes, but Dad has it and thus far I don't think he's going to give it up._

"_Horrible thought, how many chicks do you think he had in my car?"_

_Not something I want to think about._

"_I wonder if you're mother's been in it yet?"_

_...I am going to pretend you didn't just say that._

"_Fair enough."_

Naruto let out a rough breath and merged into the next lane. His eyes went wide and he immediately merged back as flaming wreck shot past in the opposite direction.

"I thought he was keeping it mortal!?"

"_Uh, this is Ares we're talking about. Road rage, car wrecks and utter chaos is his description of morality,"_ Helios said.

Naruto scowled and went back into the middle lane. "Friggin loopholes..." He reached over and hit the radio. Hard rock blared out of his speakers and Naruto pushed down on the petal. He carefully avoided people under Ares' influence, though it was difficult for they merged without signaling, shouted expletives at either him, themselves or other drivers, and a rare few tried to run him off the road. Despite these setbacks, Naruto kept his eyes on the back of Ares' leather jacket, specifically on the ugly boar impaled by a spear that was patched onto it. Ares looked over his shoulder and then let out a cackle. He flipped Naruto the bird, which made the blond's eye twitch, and then sped off in a wheelie. His bike's exhaust set the road aflame.

"'And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword,'" Naruto said under his breath. He shifted gears and pushed it up to two-twenty. Sirens were soon heard, but Naruto ignored them. He had to beat Ares, the god would undoubtedly make the stipulation that the victor of the fight would be the first to strike a lethal blow.

Quite frankly, Naruto wasn't in the mood for this bullshit. If he had no choice, then he accepted it, but thanks to Hera, he does have a chance to make the stipulations. Now all he had to do was make it to the Gateway Arch first.

_Keep it mortal...keep it mortal...Wait._ Naruto grinned. _Mortals cheat._

"_If you use the SOL..."_

_No, not that._ Naruto crossed his fingers and made a shadow clone appear in the passenger seat. The clone nodded at him and rolled the window down all the way. It then reached into the back seat and pulled out the golden bow that lay there gently. He grabbed the quiver and strapped it on. The clone then climbed out onto the roof of the car.

The clone drew an arrow as hard as he could, his arms straining before he flicked the knock and let the projectile fly. The whistling arrow shot past Ares and hit the road just in front of him. The god of war swerved out of the way, avoiding the explosion that would've crippled his ride. Ares turned and shouted a rather unkind thing in Greek. Naruto barely caught the words for "Apollo" and "mother".

_Did Ares just pull a Yo' Momma joke on _me_?_

"_Think so,_" Helios said, amused.

Naruto popped his head out of the window and looked at his clone. "Take out his back wheel!"

"Hai, Oyabun!" Another arrow was drawn and released, dinging the exhaust pipe.

Another spew of Greek swears escaped Ares' mouth.

Naruto popped his head out again. "You missed!"

"I'm sorry, would you like to come out here and shoot arrows at the back of a god's motorcycle?" The clone let another arrow fly. It missed Ares and hit a car on the god's left. The car spun out and crashed.

"Hey! Don't hit the civilians!"

"Fuck you, Oyabun!"

Naruto scowled and settled back in his seat. "I'm like those poor shmucks that were casted in the Blues Brothers to play cops..." His eye twitched. "If Ares is supposed to be Jake or Elwood I'll eat my right sandal."

"_Don't. Trust me. That's a promise you do not want to fulfill,"_ Helios said.

The clone drew another arrow back and closed his eyes. It prayed silently to the original's father and aunt before it let the arrow fly. Ares saw the arrow in his rearview mirror and smirked. He started to swerve right, but then the arrow split down the middle. He quickly returned back to his place as the arrow flew past. It magnetized itself to the front of Ares' hog.

"Yes!" The clone pumped his fist before he grabbed a big white arrow from the quiver. He grinned. "Mel Brooks, don't fail me now."

The Patriot was drawn back and the knock was flicked. The arrowhead split into three prongs and it was sent flying straight up. The clone climbed back into the car and put the quiver and bow in the back seat before dispelling.

"...He used the Patriot Arrow!?" Naruto's eyes widened in horror and he eased off the gas. He was just glad that most of the civilians were behind them. Naruto watched as a faint white dot came down in the distance in front of them. It headed straight for Ares's bike, the arrow magnetized on the front wheel was beeping loudly. There was a loud boom when the Patriot hit the front of Ares bike and Naruto had to swerve to recover from the shockwave.

Helios burst into laughter. _"Ares is going to kill you!"_

"Not if I beat him to the Arch by mortal means," Naruto said with a grin. He floored it past the wrecked bike and the infuriated god of war, being sure to give his uncle the same respect given to him earlier. The finger went up and Ares' cursing was heard for miles.

"_Hermes would be proud to call you his son."_

"Maybe in another life," Naruto said.

* * *

><p>Naruto made it to the Arch with ease and already took the elevator up twice before deciding to get some lunch at a nice little diner nearby. He was currently enjoying a nice appetizer of bacon and cheese fries with a glass of water. The young waitress who had been assigned to his area walked up to his table with a very upset god behind her. She smiled at Naruto.<p>

"Anything else?"

"A beer for my friend," Naruto said with a charming grin. The girl smiled back and walked away. Naruto popped a fry into his mouth and grinned at the shaking god. "You seem tense."

"You blew up my bike!" Ares' teeth were grinding together.

Naruto popped another fry into his mouth. "You're the one that wanted to race and play dirty."

Ares narrowed his eyes. "You. Blew. Up. My. Bike."

"Uncle Heph will have it fixed sooner or later," Naruto said. He took a drink of water and grinned. "Besides, don't you have a pink limo to drive around?"

If anything, that only increased the intensity of Ares' glare.

"Relax, Uncle Ares-"

"Don't 'uncle' me."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Fine. Ares, then. Just take a seat. I'm buying you some beers."

"Humph, as if mortal liquor can satisfy me," Ares said with a scowl. He plopped down into the chair offered to him and pulled out his knife. The god began cleaning his fingernails. "You figure out some stipulations yet?"

Naruto looked past him as the waitress returned with the beer in hand. "I'm sorry, can you make that two beers and two of these classic burger dinners? Rare for my friend and medium for myself."

"Sure thing," the girl said. She set the beer down in front of Ares and then walked off. Ares turned and allowed himself to watch her go with a grin.

"She ain't too bad looking," he said. He looked back at Naruto. "Stop changing the subject. I want to fight."

"We're going to fight," Naruto said. He pushed the fries towards Ares. "But first we're going to eat. I'm hungry and while it isn't ambrosia, I'm sure it'll fill you up a bit."

Ares narrowed his eyes behind his sunglasses before he smirked. "Alright, fine. We'll play nice for now. But we fight after."

"I never said we wouldn't." Naruto popped another fry into his mouth. "So why now? My birthday was a month ago."

Ares' body shimmered for a moment before the biker that sat across from him had vanished. The slicked back oily hair had become a neat crew cut and the wrap around sunglasses shifted to a more professional version. His face was still scarred, but seemed more respectful. His clothes had changed to that of the US Army blues. The god straightened his jacket sleeves before he leaned forward.

"Mars," Naruto said with a blink of surprise.

Mars nodded. "Legionnaire."

"I take it you're the reason my hand feels like it's dipped in a bottle of acid," Naruto said.

"Yes," Mars said. He grabbed the beer in front of him and downed some of it. He frowned. "This is piss water compared to Bacchus' stuff."

"I wouldn't know," Naruto said. He sat back with crossed arms. "So what do you want to talk about? You didn't call me here for a fight."

"No, but it was the easiest way to get something out of the way and get you somewhere to talk without risk of being brushed off," Mars said. He frowned at the blond. "You owe me for allowing you to continue living after what you did to my camp."

"Forgive me, but being a Greek pulled into Roman politics was really irritating," Naruto said with a frown.

"You are of Apollo's loins, you are _Roman_."

Naruto rubbed his brow. "Phoebus...Both, I suppose. Whatever, what do you need, O Father of Rome?"

Mars smirked. "I need you to obtain a demigod."

"I don't do that anymore," Naruto said. "Orders from down below."

"I'm pulling a favor from Pluto," Mars said. "My son waits in Canada-"

"No."

Mars narrowed his eyes. "You say that as if you have a choice."

"I'm _not_ going to Canada," Naruto said. He crossed his arms and scowled. "Not while that prick Hymen is still up there."

"Consider yourself lucky he hasn't come down south to hunt you," Mars said. "You broke his daughter's heart."

"I got her to leave California," Naruto said with a scowl. "Dumbass shouldn't have let her move so close to the Underworld and Camp Jupiter."

"Your feud with your half-brother aside, you must go retrieve my son," Mars said. "Consider it your first mandatory mission. I do not want the Titans to discover him. He is a valuable asset to the Legion."

Their burgers came and the waitress left quickly after a short look from Mars. The Roman god of war returned his gaze to the blond across from him. Naruto steepled his fingers together and hummed in thought.

"Do I still have to fight Ares?" he asked.

"Yes."

Naruto groaned. "Yeah, alright, fine. I'll go find your kid. What's his name?"

"Frank Zhang."

"...Really?" Naruto Arched a brow.

"His mother is-was in the military."

"Retired?"

Mars said nothing.

"Oh..." Naruto rubbed his chin and nodded. "Alright. But I need a few things in return."

"Such as?"

"Support for a unit I want to put together," Naruto said.

"You want me to support a Greek squadron?" Mars asked.

"It'll be five, maybe six kids tops, including myself."

Mars narrowed his eyes. "Fair enough. But if you fail me, your endeavors after this war has passed will be for naught."

"Best I can ask for," Naruto said. He grabbed his burger and took a bite. He immediately choked on something and spat the beef out, rubbing his throat. He glared at the ceiling. "What? I can't enjoy a burger anymore!? Not cool."

"Serves you right, punk," Ares said. He took a sloppy bite, if you could call what he did to his burger a bite, and chewed it inappropriately. "So what were you saying? I zoned out."

"Let's box," Naruto said. Ares swallowed his 'bite' and grinned excitedly.

"Rounds?"

Naruto shook his head. "We'll go old school. Technical knockouts will end the match. We need an impartial ref."

"Bare fisted!"

"We're not brawling." Naruto frowned. "Cestus. And not bladed in anyway or you'll be disqualified."

Ares snorted. "Chicken."

Naruto rolled his eyes. _I think I like Mars more._

"_What?"_

_Never mind._ Naruto grabbed the burger on his plate and lifted it back to his mouth. He took another bite and this time it tasted like it had been dipped in the Curry of Life. Naruto dropped his burger and grabbed a jug of water as it passed by. He drank it as fast as he could and panted when it ran out.

"That's just cruel!" He said to himself, ignoring the laughter of the god of war.

* * *

><p>"Ah, the threat of falling two hundred meters," Ares said. He had made an platform at the top of the Gateway Arch using his godly abilities. Several hovering cameras with eta etched into the side were floating around them. Ares grinned and cracked his knuckles. "Ready?"<p>

"Why did I say you could pick the venue?" Naruto asked, looking over the edge of the ropes with a bit of worry. "Now I'm glad I didn't choose wrestling."

"That would've been more fun!" Ares said with a frown.

Naruto shuddered at the thought and adjusted his cestus. "So...Are we going full traditional nudity for this or...?"

"Hell no."

"Skins then?"

Ares smirked. "If you ain't too chicken for it."

Naruto's eye twitched. _He's good at taunting, I'll give him that._

"_Not really, you're just irritated already."_ Helios chuckled.

Naruto frowned and tugged his shirt off. He glared at the god of war, pointedly ignoring the god's scarred body. "So where's the ref?"

"I'm here!" Naruto looked up and grinned at the sight of his goddaughter's grandmother. Nike had changed from her tracksuit to a referee's shirt and pants, her favorite shoes still in place on her feet as she hovered above the arena. Nike waved at the blond demigod while her gold wings flapped. "Hello again, hero!"

"Hello, Nike," Naruto said with a nod. He grinned at the scowling Ares. "What's wrong, Ares? Rethinking your challenge?"

"You're not psyching me out, kid!" Ares snarled. He tossed his sunglasses to his corner and stomped towards where Naruto stood.

Nike landed in the middle of the ring and pointed at opposite corners. "Ah, ah, ah. No fighting yet, I haven't rung the bell! Now, I want a clean and _fair_ fight. No changing the demigod into an animal, no cutting, no slicing, no lethal blows, no kicking, and most importantly, no hitting below the belt."

Both of the fighters looked a bit relieved at the last rule.

"Fair is fair," Nike said. She turned to one of the Hephaestus TV cameras and grinned. "Hello sports fans, commentator and referee Nike back with a new special. Tonight, the god of war faces off against the son of Apollo in a good ol' fashioned boxing match! It reminds me of the first Olympic bout, where Apollo defeated Ares in the second day of the fight!"

"He got a lucky shot in!" Ares scowled at the reminder of his loss to his 'girly' brother.

"Tch, more like someone isn't as strong as they would like to be," Naruto said. Ares snarled at him from his corner.

"This fight wouldn't be possible without the help of Demeter's Smart Start! The Breakfast of Olympus!" Nike said. The camera backed away and Nike turned to the two competitors. "To the middle!"

Naruto and Ares met in the middle of the ring. Naruto's eye twitched. Ares had made himself grow to six-foot-eight. Both held their hands out and shook lightly. Nike put her hands atop theirs.

"Remember, a good _clean_ fight." Both men gave her an annoyed look. Nike just smiled. "Alright, back two paces!"

The two did as instructed and lifted their fists. Nike waved her hand and a bell appeared hovering next to her. She struck it twice with a small hammer and the two moved forward.

"I'm going to enjoy paying you back for wrecking my bike," Ares said. He took a swing and Naruto ducked under it. Naruto brought his right hand up into Ares' stomach, making the god take a solitary step back. He scowled at the blond that was dancing on his feet. "You're _dead_!"

"No death blows!" Nike shouted from above.

Ares glared at her. Naruto snuck in a left cross when Ares returned his attention to the fight. The god stumbled towards the edge of the Arch. He stopped himself with a firm stomp that cracked the concrete of the Arch. He looked at Naruto with a heavy glare, his exploding eyes more menacing than before.

Naruto had his guard up as Ares came swinging. His arms throbbed by the time Ares had backed off. Naruto dropped them slightly, leaving his stomach wide open for the low straight. Naruto stumbled back, his hand on his stomach, while he tried to regain the air he lost after the blow to his diaphragm. Ares didn't relent, drilling at his opening. Naruto had his elbows locked in close over his stomach, occasionally lifting his arms to block his face.

Ares backed off and took a breath. Naruto moved in, going for more blows to the god's core. Ares blocked it and cracked Naruto across the face. The punch had Naruto stumbling towards the opposite edge of the Arch. The blond used chakra to keep himself in place and looked at Ares with a scowl.

_Okay, how the Hell did Dad beat him?_

"_Both are gods,"_ Helios said. _"You can admit defeat."_

_Fuck no! Jackson beat Ares when he was twelve, I can do this!_

"_In a swordfight to the death. This is boxing. They're different."_

_A fight is a fight._ Naruto walked back towards Ares with his hands clenched tightly. _What are the rules?_

"_No grabs, no holds, no clawing, no lethal blows."_

"Nothing about us syncing up," Naruto said. Helios let out an excited chuckle. He closed his eyes. "Come on...give me a boost."

"I'm falling asleep over here!" Ares growled at the blond. Naruto opened his eyes and grinned as he was engulfed in light. Golden eyes with blue suns locked onto Ares' nuclear orbs and Naruto shot forward with his fist cocked back. Ares blinked and blocked the punch with his arm. "Finally, I was wondering when you would go all out!"

Naruto's face fell into a small frown. "You wanted me to use Helios' power?"

"Duh." Ares said. He followed with a punch to the face that made Naruto dive to the ground before he rolled out of it. Naruto shook his head, rubbed his cheek and glared at Ares. The blond moved in and ducked under a swing, delivering three sharp blows to the god's side. Ares swung his arm back and Naruto ducked it again, following with multiple blows to Ares' gut. Naruto brought his left fist back and drove it up into Ares' jaw.

The god stumbled back and dropped to a knee, his eyes were wide with shock. Ares rubbed his aching jaw and glared at Naruto thoughtfully. "You're stronger than I gave you credit for, brat."

"I did go toe-to-toe with Atlas," Naruto said dryly. Ares snorted and spat out a tooth that was quickly replaced with another. Naruto blinked. "Gross, and yet, really cool."

"I am a god," Ares said mockingly.

"Makes me wonder why you keep some of those scars, though," Naruto said. "Not as 'manly' today as it was back in the day."

"Says the whiskered boy."

Naruto's eye twitched. "They're birthmarks!"

"They make you look stupid," Ares said coming forward with another punch. Naruto sidestepped it and drove his fist into the god's gut once more. Ares stopped himself from doubling over and used his other fist to deliver a cross into Naruto's jaw. Naruto took a few steps back before he steadied himself. He wiped his red and gold blood from his lip.

"Ah, you're just jealous I pull off the whiskers better than you ever could," Naruto said, smirking. He blocked a punch with his forearm and struck out with his other fist. Ares took the blow across the face and backed off.

This pattern continued for several hours, Naruto would take a punch and Ares would block one. Or Ares would take several punches while Naruto's arms were battered and bruised by Ares' relentless assaults. They kept fighting, but eventually Ares and Naruto started to grow tired. Naruto was a half-blood by technicality, so Ares had to modify his body to be more 'human' in respect to the rules of facing a hero, thus putting a limit on his stamina, endurance and power. In short, Ares was pissed that a demigod – albeit a strong one – was putting him on the edge of his toes in a fistfight.

"So...Give up...yet?" Ares asked between breaths. He hated the damn fairness rule that was constructed by the Olympians. He was the god of war, he should've been able to defeat sunshine's brat by now.

"What's wrong? Getting...tired?" Naruto asked in return. He grinned, revealing a chipped tooth within his bloody mouth. "I can...do this...all day..."

"One more...should put you down..." Ares said. He brought his arm back and swung it at Naruto's head.

Naruto leaned back and let the swing pass him. He brought his left arm back. He drove his fist forward with all his might and struck Ares in the side of the head with a powerful left hook. Ares fell to the ground, dazed by the blow. Naruto quickly capitalized and mounted Ares' chest. The blond pressed Ares' head back into the Arch with his left hand and repeatedly punched him with his right.

This continued after Nike rung the bell, declaring Ares unconscious from the repeated blows to the head. The god of war wasn't entirely unconscious, but it was enough for her to determine a winner. Nike flew down and pulled Naruto off of Ares. She grabbed his wrist and lifted it.

"Your winner, Naruto Uzumaki! Son of Apollo!" Nike said with a smile to the cameras. Naruto panted and chuckled twice before his glowing aura dispersed and he passed out, his arm still held in the air.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And so chapter two ends with Naruto following his father's footsteps! Hope you all enjoyed that one better than the previous chapter (which I admit was <em>really<em> bad).**

**You all know what to do!**

**REVIEW!**


	4. III

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Naruto**_** or **_**Percy Jackson and the Olympians**_**.**

**Sun's Heir, Death's Guardian III: The Argonauts**

**III**

* * *

><p>A blue eye with a golden pupil cracked open, the skin around it dark and swollen. Naruto tried to lift himself from his back, only to decide against it after a jolt of pain went up his spine. His head and body were sore, more so than after the fight he had with Atlas. Heck, it was just as bad after he fought Gaara for the first time. Then again, maybe a boxing match with a god was more painful than fighting a fraction of a primordial when you're twelve...No, fighting Shukaku was worse than boxing against Ares.<p>

Damn tanuki had almost crushed him with sand at least twice.

"It's about time." Naruto blearily turned to face the one who spoke. Mars sat in a chair within the run-down motel room. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to wake up? It's been hard enough to ensure the fool doesn't take over and kill you for besting him."

"Mars, my everything aches. Can you scold me later?" Naruto asked. "Like, when I'll actually give a shit what you think?"

Mars scowled at him. "I'm still a god, boy. Watch your mouth."

"Let me rephrase that then, scold me after I've gotten some ambrosia and nectar," Naruto said. With a small whimper, Naruto sat up and wrapped his arm around his stomach. "Oh yeah...A rib is definitely broken."

"Suck it up." Mars tossed him a small golden cube. While Naruto nibbled on the godly food, Mars crossed his arms and sat back. "You will have the god of war's backing. You must have at least one of my children, from both camps, involved."

"Done," Naruto said after a swallow of ambrosia. "Anything else?"

"No. I am done with you." No sooner had he said it did the respectable form of Mars turn into the ruffian that was Ares. The Greek god of war rolled his neck and glared at the blond.

"Hey Ares," Naruto said with a weak wave. He reached up and touched his eye. The swelling was going down, but not fast enough for him. "Ow."

"Pussy," Ares said. He rubbed his jaw. "Not bad for a half-blood."

"Better than Jackson?" Naruto asked.

Ares gnashed his teeth. "That doesn't count! I was hung over!"

"Su-u-ure you were," Naruto said. He blinked. "Wait, you're embarrassed by losing to Jackson –"

"It doesn't count, dammit!"

"Whatever – but you're not embarrassed by losing to me?" Naruto asked.

"You're a respectable loss, barely," Ares said. "Couldn't have won without the tattler's help."

"_Hey, Hephaestus had a right to know, asshole!"_

Naruto rolled his eyes. That was a can of worms he did not plan on opening. "And Jackson isn't because, why?"

"Jackson is a little urchin who won't fight again without daddy's help." Ares spat to the side in disgust, where a small fire appeared on the floor. Naruto snuffed it out with a wave of his hand.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "This is about the water thing, isn't it?"

"It's so cheap!" Ares snarled as he thought about the fight he had with Poseidon's son. "I had him right where I wanted him and he got a drop of water on him! A DROP!"

"You have that thing your kids get, the war boost or whatever," Naruto said dryly.

"That's different! My brats _earn_ it!" Ares said with a scowl.

Naruto rubbed his head. He was way too sober to have this debate. "Okay...let's go get some drinks and then we'll continue this conversation."

"Damn right we'll continue this conversation! I need some piss water," Ares said. He got up and stormed out, Naruto followed him without another word.

"_Well, this is sure to be fun."_ Helios said dryly.

_Shut up._ Naruto grimaced. _At least it will be better than the time Jiraiya took all my money for his 'companions' and booze._

* * *

><p>"And then the brat had the gall to accuse me – <em>me!<em> – of stealing all of his money for hookers and booze!" Jiraiya said. He was telling the demigods of one of the adventures he had on his training trip with Naruto. "The gall of that brat! I only took half to pay Aiko, Mimi and Satsuki...and a bit to pay for some of the sake...And for that pipe..." Jiraiya put a hand on his chin in thought. "Hm...Maybe I did take all of his money."

"Gee, you think?" Thalia asked, her lips curled into a sneer. So far, his story had been barely censored, just enough to let the three demigods figure out what he was doing with the lovely 'companions' in the red light district. Bianca's face was an interesting shade of pink and Percy was doing no better. The son of Poseidon looked like he was about to pass out from all the blood that rushed to his face. Thalia just wanted to zap this man to death, which she would, if he wasn't already dead.

"Shut up, girl. You're biased, your opinion matters not to me!" Jiraiya said childishly as he crossed his arms. "Stupid brat...You just had to go and ruin my image for your girlfriend..."

"What image?" Thalia asked with a snort.

Jiraiya beamed. "Why my amazing charm, of course!"

"Yeah, he definitely taught Apollo." Percy's hand went to his head after Jiraiya cuffed him. "Hey!"

"I have ears, moron," Jiraiya said. "Humph, no respect for your elders. You're both too damn alike."

Percy bristled at the thought. He wasn't anything like Naruto! Naruto is an asshole. He wasn't an asshole. ...Was he?

Thalia laughed for a moment before she yelped and her hands flew to her backside. While she glared at the sage with murder in her eyes, Percy and Bianca gaped. Jiraiya just kept his smirk plastered on his face.

"You shouldn't laugh at others' misfortune, it's considered rude," he said with a wag of his finger.

Thalia pulled her mace canister out of her pocket. "I'll show you rude! With my spear rammed right up your a-!"

"Thalia, we don't have time for this," Bianca said timidly. Thalia didn't seem to hear her and instead continued to threaten the dead man. Percy watched Bianca as she looked around nervously. "Something doesn't feel right."

As if on cue, small humanoid bats appeared in a ring around them. They appeared to be female. All of them had pug-like faces, which included the fangs, fur and bulged eyes. The arms were short but clawed, the wings were leathery and large, and the legs were bowed, almost unused. They were comical in appearance, or would have been if not for the murder that was evident in the creatures' eyes.

"Oh, wonderful." Jiraiya scowled. He crossed his arms and looked at one of the creatures. "And what in the name of Hades do you think _you_'_re_ doing?" The monster he addressed merely hissed. Jiraiya shook his head and looked to Bianca. "Think you could tell them to move?"

"Um, maybe?" Bianca stood up straight and glared as best she could at one. "Keres, the daughter of Hades commands that you leave!"

The monsters looked around before they broke into laughter that sounded like air that was released from a tire. Bianca ordered them again and they laughed harder.

"Well, aren't they obedient?" Jiraiya gave a mild amused smirk to the daughter of Hades. Bianca looked down and he patted her on the shoulder. "Don't look glum, we tried being nice. Now we get to ask the fun way!"

"Before we go with Thalia's preferred option, can someone tell me what these things are?" Percy asked. He ignored the scowl Thalia gave him for his comment.

"Keres," Jiraiya said. "Daemons that feed upon violent deaths. Normally, they don't have backbones, but this group seems to have grown some if they ignore one of Hades' children."

"Hades will soon fall!" one hissed, its mouth lined with foam. "Our new master will let us feast! Nevermore will we be chained lapdogs!"

"That's one dog I don't mind kicking," Thalia said as she pressed the button on her mace canister.

Percy gave her a bewildered stare. "What?"

"Just shut up and kill them!" Thalia said as she stabbed one in the face. It disintegrated immediately. She turned and bashed another into the ground. Her foot stomped down on the Keres while her spear skewered two more that flew at her. The three of her foes disintegrated immediately.

Percy sliced a wing off the one that first approached him. Another came from the other direction and he stabbed it straight on. One came from the opposite direction again and Percy turned to lop the head off.

"Percy!" The son of Poseidon turned just in time to see a mass of shadow catch one of the Keres mid air. It was inches from Percy's head and the boy was sure that would be a painful experience. Quickly, he stabbed it in the face and it disintegrated.

Percy nodded to Bianca in gratitude for the save and she gave a small smile back. Percy's sea green eyes widened when Bianca was nearly tackled from the side. A hand had latched onto the small leg of the Keres and pulled it back. Jiraiya grabbed the roof of the daemon's head and the jaw before he tore it down the middle into dust.

"Enough of this!" Jiraiya said. His hands became blurs of motion and slammed into the dirt. "_Doton: Ganchūsō (Earth Release: Rock Pillar Spears)_!"

The swarm was halted as several pillars burst from the onyx ground and impaled each of the Keres. They all simultaneously disintegrated into dust, and left the three demigods surrounded by a ring of sharp pillars.

"Okay, that was cool," Percy said under his breath.

Thalia glared at the sage. "Hey, we could've handled it!"

"And one of you would've died in the process," Jiraiya said with a snort. "Yeah, thanks, but I'd rather not have my boss or either of his brothers after my head."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Thalia asked, her eyes narrowed.

"What it means, _girl_, is that all of you _suck_." Jiraiya looked irritated. Percy and Thalia glared at him while Bianca hung her head in shame. He arched his brow. "What?"

"What do you mean we suck!?" Both Percy and Thalia asked. They shared a glance and then resumed their unified glare at the dead sage. Apparently, this was a rare agreement they had.

"You suck, plain and simple," Jiraiya said. "Your teamwork is absolute shit."

Thalia scowled at the man. "So only our teamwork sucks?"

Jiraiya was quiet for a moment before he nodded. "Yep."

"What do you mean?" Percy asked. "We can work together well! We were holding our own!"

"Eventually you would have been overwhelmed," Jiraiya said. He crossed his arms over his chest. "You three are the children of the kings, your individual skills are no joke, but when it comes to working together, you all, like your fathers, _suck_."

"That's not true," Percy said. "Poseidon and Athena made the chariot!"

"What and you think that went along swimmingly?" Jiraiya snorted at the thought. "According to some sources, it took them over fifty decades before they could agree on a design, a method of attaching the horse to the wagon, and who got the credit for it. No, your father and Athena did not work well together."

Percy faltered for words. Finally, he managed to get out a question. "Fifty decades?"

Jiraiya shrugged. "Gods are stubborn and prideful, but Poseidon is the most stubborn and Athena is the most prideful. Throw them at one another and it'll be a cold day in...well, here before one gives in to the other. Heck, my sources say it was Hestia who managed to come up with a peaceful solution, but that's just hearsay."

"It's a miracle that you and Annie get any work done," Thalia said under her breath.

Jiraiya apparently heard her. "And let's not forget about your father, hot stuff. When's the last time the Thunderer worked with anyone willingly aside from the Titanomachy?"

Thalia snarled at Jiraiya for his 'nickname' for her, but otherwise had no rebuttal.

"That's what I thought," Jiraiya said with a smirk. He looked at Bianca, who was still downtrodden. "Hey, buck up kiddo. As far as you're concerned, you just got the short end of the stick like your dad. At least, that's all I can say legally in the presence of these two morons without risking my job."

"Hey!" Thalia and Percy glared at the sage.

"I'm not wrong." Jiraiya chuckled. He pointed at Thalia. "You are far too easily angered. How the brat manages to keep you calm, I'll unfortunately never know."

Thalia flushed red and gave him a murderous glare.

"You, on the other hand, are just plain old _dumb_," Jiraiya said to Percy. The son of Poseidon bristled and his sea green eyes narrowed. Jiraiya arched a brow. "No? Prove me wrong. What temperature does bronze have to be heated to in order to be shaped?"

Percy blinked in confusion and scowled. "Why would I know that?"

"Your father is the sire of countless one-eyed smiths, _moron_," Jiraiya said. He shook his head while Percy glared at him. "I've got my work cut out for me with you. I wonder how many beat downs it will take until you start to see the world as it is?"

"Beat downs?" Percy asked.

Jiraiya grinned and brought his hands together. His knuckles popped. "Didn't I tell you? Oh, I've decided to take on a new squad for a short period of time."

Bianca, Percy and Thalia felt a shiver go up their spine.

Jiraiya chuckled. "Welcome to Jiraiya's Boot Camp. There've been only two known survivors. Hopefully, you get to join them."

* * *

><p>Naruto sneezed and dropped his bottle. "Aw, man. I dropped my beer."<p>

"Stop bitching," Ares said. He lifted his hand. "Hey, bring us another round!"

"You two have each had over twelve beers, I should cut you off," the bartender said with a frown.

Ares glared at him from behind his sunglasses. "I'd like to see you try."

"Don't mind him, this is my last one," Naruto said. He was starting to feel the buzz. He slapped a twenty on the counter. "Keep the change."

"How you're both still alive, I'll never know." The bartender put another bottle in front of Naruto. "This is your last one. And if I see you get near a car..."

"Call me a cab," Naruto said with a shrug. The bartender nodded and walked off, and Naruto turned to the god of war with a frown on his face. "Is there a reason you have to be an asshole?"

"Aside from the fact I like to? No, not really," Ares said with a smirk. "It's fun. You should try it sometime. You'd be surprised how much ass I get with it."

"I'm surprised you get any at all," Naruto said. He was a bit buzzed, so the filter was off. "I mean, Aphrodite, sure she knew you back when you were the epitome for 'manliness', but now? You're white-trash biker thug...Really not all that impressive."

Ares snorted. "What? You want me to be a good little soldier boy? Fuck that."

Naruto took a drink of his beer. "Why not try being a jarhead?"

"Yeah, pass. Can't have as much fun that way," Ares said. "I'm the god of war, you little prick. I fuck shit up and don't care who I upset."

"Now it sounds like you're trying to compensate for something."

"Fuck you!"

"That was quick. Feeling vulnerable?"

"Piss off, shitstain."

Naruto snickered and took another swig of his beer. Suddenly a glass broke somewhere and two men started to yell. Naruto looked at Ares, who shrugged.

"I got bored," he said. He smirked. "You ready for another fight?"

"Unlike you, uncle Ares, I don't need to beat up drunks to assure my own masculinity," Naruto said.

"Pussy."

"Whatever." Naruto shook his head and put his beer down. He put down another twenty and got up. "I'm going to go get that cab, now."

"Have a nice night," the bartender said. Naruto waved him off and ducked as a glass flew at the back of his head. Without much trouble, Naruto left the bar and turned right.

"_Well that was fun,"_ Helios said. The faded god appeared next to the blond, his hands interlaced behind his head as he walked in step with his incarnation.

"Yeah it was," Naruto said in return. "About as fun as pulling out a splinter."

"_Think of it this way, you won't have to do it again,"_ Helios said with a smirk.

"Whoopee," Naruto said dryly. He turned and held his hand out as a cab approached. "Yo, taxi!" The car drove past him and Naruto flipped it off. "Asshole!"

"_You could call the chariot of damnation,"_ Helios said.

Naruto scoffed. "Yeah, thanks but no thanks. I'd rather not fall asleep in that thing. Knowing my luck, I'd end up face first in a tree."

"_Ah, the ol' split and slam,"_ Helios said with a chuckle. _"I remember one time I challenged them to a race when they got the chariot. I led them through a forest and they split the chariot down the middle. Nearly passed me."_

"Lovely story," Naruto said with a chuckle. "I take it you won?"

"_We called it a draw on account of Zeus' interference,"_ Helios said. He crossed his arms and pouted childishly. _"Said I was causing too much damage by being too close to the planet. It's not my fault my chick magnet is a hot rod."_

"Only now, it's not your hot rod," Naruto said.

"_Thanks for the reminder...speaking of which, I think I know how you can get a free ride home,"_ Helios said.

Naruto turned and blinked stupidly at Helios before he glared at his past life. "No."

"_Come on..."_

"No!"

"_You know you want to~!"_

"No! I'm not asking him for a ride!"

"_Count yourself lucky. My dad would sooner roast me than give me a ride home after a night at a bar."_

Naruto snorted. "Yeah, I'll just bet that Hyperion was the father of the year."

"_You're not wrong there,"_ Helios said with a chuckle. _"Still, be grateful your father is so kind."_

Naruto was silent for a moment before he sighed. "You suck the biggest of dicks, Helios."

"_I try my best,"_ Helios said. He burst into particles while Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone. Naruto pressed several buttons before he held the phone up to his ear.

"Hey...Yeah, I, uh, I need a ride," Naruto said. He pulled his head away from the phone as an excited reply came back. "Yeah, awesome, whatever. Just...try and keep the headlights low, alright?"

Naruto hung up and put the phone back in his pocket. He raked his hand through his hair and groaned. A flash of a young boy with two whiskers and light electric blue eyes went across his face. Naruto slumped down against the wall of a building and pressed his palms against his forehead.

"Ugh, note to self. Don't go drinking with a god," he said. The god in his head laughed and Naruto frowned. "Second note; ask dad if alcohol affects clairvoyance."

"_Oh you have no clue,"_ Helios said. _"Try some of those volcanic fumes next. Talk about an interesting sight. Or, that's what Aunt Phoebe told me once."_

"Great Granny Phoebe...now there's someone I'd like to meet," Naruto said. "Her and Koios."

"_Advice on being a Seer?"_

"No, I want to know how he turned it off," Naruto said. He scowled. "I don't like knowing too much about things that could or can be. I don't like knowing that what I decide is meaningless in the grand scheme of things."

"_Preaching to the choir. How do you think I felt when I found out I was doomed to fade prematurely? Why do you think I taught Apollo how to drive the chariot after what happened to my son?"_

Naruto winced. The story of Helios' son Phaeton was one he took to heart. It was very similar to the sad fate of Icarus. In both, the boys played too much with fire and got burned.

Before Naruto could comment, a slick golden 2008 Camaro pulled up and the darkly tinted window rolled down. Apollo grinned at his son where he sat in the driver's seat. He was dressed smartly, a dark navy turtleneck and a dark suit over it. His jaw and cheeks were lined with light stubble.

"Partying hard?" He asked his son.

"You know me," Naruto said. He popped the door open and sat down. Once he had buckled up, he looked at his dad. "What's with the getup?"

"Date night," Apollo said. Naruto arched a brow and Apollo grinned. "It's winter. Kushi-chan gets more days off."

Naruto shuddered. "Not something I want to think about, Dad."

"Aw, you're not happy that your parents are getting back together?" Apollo asked with a frown.

"I'm surprised you're not bragging about your nightly activities," Naruto said dryly.

Apollo laughed. "Well, once we settle our marriage issues, you might get a little brother or sister."

Naruto blinked and stared ahead. "I...I honestly have no response for that."

"What? You don't want to be a big brother?" Apollo asked.

"I'm already a big brother, but I see what you mean," Naruto said. He rubbed his face. "Ugh, alcohol sucks. Why did I agree to go drink with Ares?"

"Because you're not that bright?" Apollo chuckled at his own joke while Naruto groaned. Apollo grinned and drove off, he kept his ride on the street. "I wonder if he or she will be a god or a demigod...What with your mother being an immortal now."

"Well if you remarried her, you could ask Rai-jiji to make her a minor goddess," Naruto said. He groaned and closed his eyes. "Lady Hera might even do something."

"Oo, yeah, forgot about her reaction," Apollo said with a wince. "I wonder how Hera would react? Pleased? Displeased? You know how goddesses get when another pretty lady appears on the scene. Dionysus had to bat the old man and a few others away after he made Ariadne his wife. Me? Oh, I stay away from the married ladies. Mom would've killed me, and don't get me started on what Arte would've done."

"Whipped."

"Like you're one to talk," Apollo said. "Don't think I didn't see you and Kid Rock's exchange. And all for Thalia, too!" Apollo grinned at him. "When are you going to pop the question?"

"We've only been dating for a year," Naruto said with a frown. "And she's technically still a minor."

"Psh, love is love. Like how I love your mom...Oh, that reminds me. If we have a kid down the line should we go traditional Greek name? Something modern?" Apollo asked. "Or maybe something Oriental..."

"Please don't talk about this," Naruto said with a moan.

"No, no, you're literally the only one I can talk to about this! Arte would be no help, just constantly berating me, and Mom is...well, Mom. Herm is too busy, Heph and Dionysus wouldn't care. Dite...I would get distracted and conflicted," Apollo said. Naruto glared at him and he smiled sheepishly. "What?! Dite...what she used to look like is nothing compared to how she looks now! She looks like your mom only...okay, exactly like your mom."

"As glad as I am to hear that Aphrodite looks just like Kaachan to you, please stop talking about it," Naruto said.

"Humph, and after all that romantic crap last year..." Apollo shook his head. "Kissing her on New Years, taking her to the Paris Casino on the day before Valentine's, dancing at Christmas-"

"Which was your fault," Naruto said dryly.

Apollo grinned. "I might have taken a few lessons from Eros on how to manipulate a dance between two people."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Wonderful."

"However, that night you two spirited away to your penthouse..."

"Don't."

"Sure, dad was pissed, but me? I was handing out cigars left and right. And when I told your mother!"

"Stop!"

"She was so excited. The way she lit up at the thought of grandchildren..." Apollo trailed off with a smile.

"I hate you."

"Arte was a bit pissed though. Understandable, considering what you did stole a highly potential Hunter away from her. Well, she was mad about that and she said something about being corrupted by me, which I don't get. You're both teenagers with adult minds, it was the only natural response."

"With _all_ of my hate."

"Oh, but that night three weeks after the labyrinth...You forgot to close the windows."

"Stop the car."

"Aw, come on! I won't tell anyone about the spanking! It was kind of kinky."

"No, seriously, stop the car."

"I never saw Thalia as that type of girl, though."

"Dad...Stop the car."

"I mean, she always seemed more dominant in person. Maybe it's something about you."

Naruto doubled over and puked.

"OH! Come on!"

"I told you to stop the ca-blargh!"

"Dammit, Naruto! I just finished picking the interior! Again!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow, that was a trip. Hey, on the plus side, I got this done before Christmas! So for those of you who aren't aware, Eng and I started a DBZ fic called <strong>_**World's Strongest Human**_**. Check it out! **

**Anyway, next chapter will probably have a Christmas hint to it. Til then, you all know what to do.**

**REVIEW!**


	5. IV

**AN: Wow, so it's been a good while since I've updated...anything, really. Well with the holidays and the New Year (we're in 2015, holy C-R-A-P!), it's understandable. Then my brother HAD to go and encourage a trip to Florida – forced family fun – but finally. FINALLY. It's all over.**

**Bonesboy15 is back!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Naruto**_** or **_**Percy Jackson and the Olympians**_**.**

**Sun's Heir, Death's Guardian III: The Argonauts**

**IV**

* * *

><p>"Worst...Day...Ever..." Naruto groaned and ducked his head back into the bucket his father had given him. They were at a penthouse that Apollo had leased with a cover name in St. Louis. The god of the sun refused to leave his vitakinetic son alone while he was sick, and so decided to call his wife to inform her of the change of plans. Naruto was forced to listen to one side of the conversation, and so far, it didn't look good for his dad.<p>

"Yeah, I know, but-! But I promised tonight and-! No, I can keep promises! Another day will do? Uh...Well...Er, yeah, yes I can free another night! Yeah...Yes. I swore I'm gonna take you out, and I will!" Apollo rubbed the back of his neck while he listened to the phone. "Kushi-chan, can't you just tell me why you can't make it tonight? ...Well, because I can't make it either! Why? Uh...Hold on a sec, sweetie." He covered the transmitter with his hand and looked at his son. "Hey, if you had to cancel on Thalia and couldn't tell her exactly why for fear of her storming over and ripping you a new one, what would you say?"

Naruto coughed into the bucket and groaned. "I'd tell her that Bianca wasn't looking too good."

"Ah, that's a good one!" Apollo said with a nod. He sighed. "...She doesn't buy it, does she?"

"Not usually. Just tell Kaachan that you wanted a guys night with me," Naruto said with a groan.

Apollo shuddered. "Truth it is." He uncovered the transmitter. "Sorry, Kushi-chan. Naruto's sick and-No! No, I've got it! No! I didn't take him to the red light district! You kidding me? I'm not that stupid...Yeah, he just went drinking with Ares. ...Kushi-chan, I swear on my mother's life that's the truth. Yeah. Yeah. Okay...It wasn't exactly his fault...Well, what's he going to do, say no to the god of war? Okay, up, tunnel! Loosing you..Krsh, Kush-I-Gsh-ove yo-!"

Apollo hung the cordless phone up while Naruto shook his head. That was a dumb move, but sometimes there are just some things that can't be avoided. The god dragged his hand down his face with a groan. "Man, I suck at lying. Kushi-chan's going to skin me alive."

"Preaching to the choi-blargh." Naruto's head dipped back into the bucket in his hands. With a final cough, Naruto leaned back and groaned again. "Why am I puking?!"

"Well, it could be a number of things," Apollo said. "How much did you and Ares drink?"

"Uh...twelve each," Naruto said. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Puking sucks."

"Wouldn't know," Apollo said. He had manifested a notebook and wrote down a few things while he frowned. "Only twelve? That's not a lot for a god..."

Naruto looked at him dryly. "Not one hundred percent god."

"Not yet, anyway," Apollo said under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. What was the alcohol count?"

"Hell if I know..."

"_Actually it was like twenty-nine percent,"_ Helios said.

Naruto closed his eyes. "And just how do you know that?"

"_I get bored too. Why do you think I watched you and Thalia have sex? ...Aside from the obvious, of course."_ Helios snickered while his incarnation groaned. _"You two would really benefit from couples' yoga, well Thalia would at least. Maybe then she'd be able to keep up."_

While Naruto spluttered, Apollo gave his son a quizzical look. "How do I know-Oh, you're talking to Helios again. Hey, Hel!"

"_Apollo! My brother from literally another mother!"_

"Helios says hi," Naruto said, with a roll of his eyes.

"_Wow, make it sound like I don't miss him that much..."_

"Just a 'hi'?" Apollo pouted. "Wow, death really does make you bland."

"_Oh, I will so kick your ass for that! Bland!? I'm the embodiment of awesome wrapped in hot golden goodness!"_

"Shut up!" Naruto doubled over and released another pound of fluids. With yet another groan, he sat back once he was done and scowled at nothing in particular. "You're both too loud."

"_I'll be as loud as I want, thank you very much! Bland! Of all the..."_ Helios deviated into a spiel of grumbles.

"Do you want me to leave so you two can fight?" Apollo asked with a smile.

"Shut up and heal me," Naruto said with a glower.

Apollo snapped his notebook shut and shrugged. "Not my scene. You got alcohol-poisoning, kiddo. And considering that's mostly in D's jurisdiction..."

Naruto's face lost whatever color remained. "No..."

Apollo chuckled. "Yeah, I could ring him up if you want."

"Can't you do something!?" Naruto looked at his father pleadingly. Dionysus would probably make it worse if he had any say in the matter. "It's still poisoning, right?"

"Of the alcohol variety. Sorry, Fishcake, nothing I can do," Apollo said with a shrug. He scratched his chin and willed the notebook away. "I do find it interesting that you're unable to heal it yourself. Your vitakinesis should take the brunt of it away..."

"Can't you amp it or something?" Naruto moaned in pain as another wave of nausea hit him.

Apollo scratched his head. "Maybe...Oh, I'll call Asclepius! He loves this sort of thing more than I do."

He whipped out his phone before Naruto could stop him. With a sigh, Naruto rested his head on the edge of his bin. "Joy...Asclepius..."

"_Oh come on. You've never met Asclepius,"_ Helios said. He still sounded a bit bitter.

"He's a doctor," Naruto said. He shuddered. "Doctors are scary."

"_...Scary as in piss yourself or scary as in overbearing and irritating?"_

"Scary as in they usually cause me physical pain on the grounds of making me, quote, 'better'," Naruto said. He shivered at memories of Sakura's medicinal trials with him as the subject – damn those horrible excuses for chakra replenish pills to the pits of Tartarus – and Tsunade...Well, if he escaped she made sure he stayed put. Usually with a busted jaw from an 'accidental' overpowered punch.

"He'll be here in a bit," Apollo said with a grin as he hung up the phone. He noticed the sour look on Naruto's face and nodded. "Don't worry, Fishcake-"

"Dammit, stop calling me that!"

"Asclepius is the best doctor in the family, surpassing me in his skills, which he got from yours truly, of course." Apollo buffed his nails on his chest as he boasted about his favorite godly son.

"Wasn't he a student of Chiron's?" Naruto asked dryly.

"The keyword there is student, Chiron buffed him out. Like Kakashi and Jiraiya did to you. All the badass talent came from me."

"Mom would beg to differ..."

"This is true..." Apollo rubbed his chin and frowned. He snapped his fingers with a grin on his face. "I guess this means you're twice the badass!"

"Yay me. Badass and doubled ov-Uh!"

"Gross...Why did I choose to be the god of medicine again?" Apollo hummed before he nodded. "Right, had a vision of McSteamy and McDreamy."

"_Oh, right, he doesn't discriminate..."_

_That's EXACTLY what I want to hear right now,_ Naruto thought with an unseen glare at his past life.

"_I dunno, maybe your mom likes it."_

_Shut up!_

There was a knock at the door and Apollo beamed. "There he is!"

"Excuse me while I show my elation," Naruto said before he doubled over into his bin again.

Apollo ignored the sound of his current favorite demigod in favor of greeting his favorite godly son. A youthful man walked in, dressed like one would expect a stereotypical doctor. His hair looked like it was designed after Mr. Fantastic, and his eyes were just as blue as his father's. A small neatly trimmed beard was on his chin and on the end of his nose was a small pair of glasses. He had a bag over his shoulders and a black staff with a live green python coiled around it.

Apollo glared at the python, who hissed and shrunk under his gaze. The man gave an apology and willed the staff to change into a small pin that he placed on his coat's lapel. With the serpent gone, the Sauroktonos beamed a smile and embraced his immortal son. "Ask!"

"Father," the man said with a smile as he returned the hug. "Always good to see you."

"So stuffy," Apollo said with a frown. He looked at Naruto. "Well, at least I know which of you is the _fun_ one."

Asclepius chuckled and approached the blond. "Perhaps. We've never truly met before, have we?"

"No," Naruto said with a groan. He offered his hand. "Naruto Uzumaki, Heir of Helios."

"And I am Asclepius, god of health, rejuvenation and medicine." The hand clasped around Naruto's and after a gentleman's shake, retracted. Asclepius pulled the bin away from Naruto. "The aroma isn't helping with your vomiting."

"The alcohol-poisoning isn't that great either," Naruto said dryly.

Asclepius hummed and swung his bag around. He dug through it with one hand and pulled out a flashlight. The light was shone in Naruto's eye and the demigod didn't blink. "Remarkable...your eyesight is without a doubt the best of all mortals' on the planet."

"Well, duh," Apollo said with a smirk.

"Most likely because of Helios' presence."

Apollo's shoulders fell and he pouted. "Aw, hurtful."

"And quite possibly genetics," Asclepius said with a small smile to his father, who inflated with pride.

Naruto grinned lightly. "Yeah, my mom has great eyes for detail."

Apollo deflated once again. "That was on purpose..."

Asclepius chuckled again and reached into his bag. He pulled out several vials and took them with him to the kitchen, where he grabbed a glass and filled it halfway with water. After a minute of him mixing the vials' contents into the glass, he came back to Naruto's side with a glass of golden liquid.

"Oo, what's that?" Apollo asked, intrigued.

"A trick I learned in my quest to cure death," Asclepius said as Naruto took the glass and looked at it oddly. "Quite a few men were prone to die from overindulgence of Dionysus' drinks. This little drink is the ultimate hangover cure."

"Side effects?" Apollo asked while Naruto sniffed it.

"None...well, none that made themselves known to men," Asclepius said. He looked at Naruto intently. "I am curious what effect it will have on you, brother."

Naruto shrugged. "Over the teeth, past the gums, look out stomach, here it comes."

Apollo snickered. "That sounds dirty."

While Asclepius palmed his face, Naruto glared heatedly at his father before he drank the golden drink to the last drop. His tan returned to the healthy sheen it was once before and his stomach settled immediately. Naruto dropped the glass, shot up from the couch and proceeded to run around so fast he left after images in places he had been.

"Huh...look at him go," Asclepius said, amazed.

"I didn't know a demigod could run that fast," Apollo said, equally impressed. He pulled his phone out and started to record the sight. "Herm's never going to believe this. Might even claim him as a champion."

Asclepius looked at his father. "Did Lady Hera not already?"

"Meh, the more he gets the closer he is to godly-hood. Mom's getting antsy for immortal grandkids now that she knows I'm hitched," Apollo said with a shrug. "All she's had for the past century were you, Aristaeus and Hymen. Hopefully Naruto could calm her down."

Asclepius hummed in thought. "The one thing I could never find an answer to, the mind of a female, be her immortal or not."

"I hear you, Ask. I hear you."

Naruto popped up between them. "Let's-get-some-more-and-go-out-for-jello-shots! Imma-call-up-Lia-chan-and-ask-if-she-wants-to-join. First-I-should-probs-ask-Rai-jiji. He's-so-uptight! Needs-to-get-laid-again! Maybe-not-with-a-mortal-though. Lady-Hera-wouldn't-like-that."

"What?" Asclepius asked, bewildered.

"Hang on, I got this. I can sort of speak Hermes' 'Gibberush'," Apollo said. He cleared his throat. "Naruto. Slow-down-a-bit. You-are-talking-too-fast."

"You're-talking-too-slow! Like-a-turtle! Like-Gai-sensei's-turtle. Come-to-think-of-it-where-did-sensei-get-that-turtle?" Naruto tilted his head to the side in thought. "Bunta-never-talked-about-a-turtle-summon. Jiraiya-either."

"The-turtle-clan-are-reclusive-and-hard-to-find. Sort-of-like-spotting-a-lady. Not-hard-for-me-but-most-mortals-would-have-an-issue," Apollo said. He shook his head. They were getting off topic, a common issue when one spoke Gibberush. "Naruto. Look-at-me."

Naruto's head turned so fast it looked to Asclepius (who was a god, mind you) that his brother had spontaneously sprouted a second head. The doctor, fascinated, reached out and ran his hand through the after-image. Asclepius beamed and reached into his satchel. He pulled a notebook out and began to write excitedly in it.

While this occurred, Apollo held his son's gaze. "You're-moving-too-fast. Bordering-Herm's-lowest-high-speed."

"Like-a-flash?" Naruto asked with his head tilted in thought. He idly imagined himself in a crimson outfit. He shrugged, it seemed okay. Another image popped up, one with him dressed in a red and blue outfit with a singular bolt of lightning going up his right leg and across his chest. It was similar to the golden age Jay Garrick's and along with the costume, he thought of a silver helmet that looked more like it came from NASCAR rather than WWI.

_Ooo, I like that. Sleek, formfitting and modern,_ Naruto thought absently. He might have to drop off that idea to his great-times-whatever-nephew Trevor Scott. The artist was a huge comic fan and would probably salivate at the prospect of bringing the idea to life.

All of this thought took place in less than two seconds.

"Focus. You-need-to-slow-down." Apollo grabbed his shoulders and stilled him. "Ask-can't-understand-us. We're-speaking-too-fast-for-him-to-follow."

"And-a-doctor-not-understanding-me-is-bad-because-why?"

Apollo whacked him on the side of the head. "Idiot. If-a-god-can't-understand-you-how-do-you-expect-a-demigod-like-Thalia-to?"

"Oh-yeah," Naruto said as he hardly registered the blow. His mind raced to all the possibilities and he frowned. Thalia definitely wouldn't like it if he spoke too fast, and he wouldn't like it if Thalia spoke too slowly. The blond looked to his father. "How-do-I-slow-down?"

Apollo blinked and released him. He tapped his chin. "Huh, that's a good point."

"What did he say?" Asclepius asked, intrigued by the whole situation. He had never seen anything like this before, and his previous meetings with Hermes had never allowed him to see how a boost of speed could affect these simple actions like speech or movement. Perhaps he should call the messenger in for a check up. Come to think of it, if he did that he could possibly discern how the other Olympians' domains affect their physiology...

Yes, Hermes would be called in once he was finished here.

"Fishcake doesn't know how to slow down," Apollo said. He thought about a potential dirty joke that could follow that statement, but (surprisingly) decided against saying it. Instead, the god of the sun turned to his favorite immortal son and asked, "Any ideas?"

Asclepius wrote down another note before he tapped Naruto's shoulder and got his brother's attention. "Can you understand me?"

"Yes-geez-that-took-forever-just-spit-it-out!" Naruto crossed his arms and tapped his foot so fast the carpet started to smoke.

Apollo whacked him again to make him stop, but then suddenly flinched. A hand went to the back of the sun god's head and he glared at the young shinobi. "Hey! Don't hit your father!"

"Speak-faster!" Naruto now had his hands on his hips and had completely turned away from Asclepius.

The god of health wrote the reaction time for sound and touch before he looked at his father. "Naruto is moving so fast that he has created a small barrier of light around him–"

"Hence the afterimages and the 'flash'," Apollo said with a nod.

"Correct," Asclepius said. He turned his notebook around and showed it to the god, a finger pointed at a particular formula written in Ancient Greek. "Because of this chemical, I believe, Naruto has simply found a way to tap into a hidden gene you obtained when you took Helios' chariot–"

"The Chick Magnet." _"The Chick Magnet."_

"Yes, that. I've theorized that our godly bodies could be broken down atomically, but until now I don't know how it could be done exactly. Now, and this is just another theory, but I believe that our domains affect our genetic makeup. Why if Lord Zeus can manipulate clouds, Lord Hades can't? And due to his status as King of Gods, shouldn't Lord Zeus hold power over all our domains? Why doesn't he?"

"Because all of Olympus would turn on him if he tried?" Apollo said, though he sounded unsure of that. It was hard to imagine Zeus as anything other than the Lightning God.

"I believe it's physically impossible for him to do so."

Apollo arched a brow. "He can move my chariot."

"Not entirely," Asclepius said. "He can send a wind spirit to drive it. He can't move your chariot through sheer will. Nor can he actually move the other stars in the expanded galaxy..."

Throughout it all, Asclepius grew more excited as he explained his new theory to his father.

Apollo, however, didn't look as thrilled. "So, you're using Mortal science to discern how we exist?"

Asclepius frowned. "Father..."

Apollo held up a hand. "If you go to Athena or Hephaestus, they wouldn't bat an eye. But if you went to Dionysus or Zeus and tried to explain this, you might wind up back in the underworld, or worse."

"Of course...but I'm sure Lady Athena will back my studies..." Asclepius rubbed his chin. "Perhaps she'll help me corral Hermes into an examination room..."

"See!? Doctors-are-bad!" Naruto said. He had overheard the extremely _long_ speech at a rate faster than normal humans would. So after he was bored to death and revived by the end of the speech, he was shaken from his thoughts about different flavors of ramen as he heard the god of health talk to himself under his breath. Naruto grabbed his father's arm. "Tell-him-to-stop-thinking-about-dissections-and-fix-me. Without-a-dissection!"

"Right, right," Apollo said as he waved off Naruto's concern. "So, how do we help your brother?"

"Hm? Oh, right! Sorry," Asclepius said apologetically to Naruto, who now glared at the older man warily. The god of health looked back to his father. "Naruto just has to burn off all the excess energy."

Apollo nodded. "Ahh, I see. Any suggestions how?"

"Well..." Asclepius' eyes glazed over as he sifted through his internal Rolodex and went through the possible ways they could do that. "I suppose we either let him run loose in the street–"

"Oh yeah, and risk losing him? No thanks," Apollo said with a shiver. If he did that and Kushina found out he lost sight of their previously sick son, he'd _never_ get off the couch.

"We could take him to a broth-Ow!" Asclepius rubbed his arm where Naruto had hit him. The god of health frowned at his brother. "That was uncalled for, Naruto."

"Hera-would-kill-me! _Thalia_-would-kill-me!" Naruto donned a haunted look. "Worse-Mom-would-find-out! And-she-would-kill-me!"

Apollo shivered again.

"Alright, so, not that," Asclepius said. He rubbed his chin and then snapped his fingers. "I've got it! Let him fight some monsters!"

"I'm-not-a-gladiator-for-your-amusement!" Naruto glared daggers at the minor god.

"No, but you are for mine," Apollo said with a smirk. He wrapped an arm around Naruto's neck and pointed dramatically to the roof. "To the Chick Mobile!"

The 'Batman' transition played and both sons of the sun god looked at their father dryly.

"Really?" they asked, though one was faster than the other.

"It was absolutely necessary." Apollo nodded sagely.

The minor god and the demigod shared a look. Both wondered just how (and sometimes why) they were related to the 'god of ego'.

* * *

><p>Apollo led the two to the balcony, where he parked his chariot. After he decided on what convertible he wanted to drive, the god of the sun hopped the fence and landed in the driver's seat with a laid back grin. "So, are we all ready to have fun now?"<p>

Naruto's transition from the balcony to the backseat was played out by his afterimages. It was a simple one-handed vault over the dark railing that surrounded the barrier, but thanks to his light barrier, there were a total of four after images that acted like an instructional image.

Asclepius simply floated over the railing and sat down in the passenger's seat.

"Aw, c'mon Ask, be a little more fun than that." Apollo frowned while Naruto tapped his fingers so fast they blurred.

"Let's-go-let's-go-let's-go!"

"Hold your sandals, speed racer, gotta find the right tunes," Apollo said with a wave of his hand. Asclepius shook his head and put his bag on the floor at his feet.

"You do know that listening to music while driving is one of the leading causes of distracted accidents, right?" he asked his father.

Apollo gave him a raspberry. "I've been driving like this for millennia. Not a single accident yet!"

"Thank Zeus for that," Asclepius said with a sigh. The death toll for his father's chariot crashing would be catastrophic.

"Bah, he hasn't driven a car since the Model T Ford came out," Apollo said. He grinned. "Here we go! Haddaway's 'What Is Love?' is perfect!"

"Ah, the Roxbury skit," Asclepius said with a smile. He lightly bobbed his head in time with the music. "One of the best things mortals made."

"Hilarious, too. That Stallone one? A riot," Apollo said as he bobbed his head with a silly grin on his face.

"Carrey's-was-best!" Naruto joined his divine brother and father as they drove off, surprisingly he kept in time with their head bobs. They drove around for a few moments until the song ended. Naruto frowned. "Aw...Dust-on-the-CD?"

"Nope, song's over, kiddo," Apollo said. A guitar started to strum fast and he grinned. "Yeah, staple of the nineties."

"Sum-41-rocks!" Naruto said. "I'm-a-disaster!"

"A microphone master!"

"Put-on-the-tap-and-!"

"Rock! I'll ghetto blast ya!"

Asclepius shook his head as the father and son continued to sing along with the radio. It was good to see them get along, but to be honest, he was more of a classic's fan himself. There was something about strings that made him feel at ease.

About halfway through the song, Naruto suddenly stopped and looked around. "Hey-I-feel-a-ping!"

"A ping?" Apollo asked as he turned the music down. "Naruto, you're twenty-four, you should know that feeling by now."

Naruto glared at him. "Not-that-kind-of-ping-dickwaffle! A-ping-of-chakra!"

"Really?" Asclepius asked, intrigued, while Apollo looked put out at the name his son called him. He wanted to know more about the chakra network that his father had told him about, but Apollo was hesitant to give out the information. Most likely due to the fact that it was something he knew that Athena did not, something he could lord over her for a few decades.

"Yep! That-a-way!" Naruto pointed to the right, just beyond a few tall buildings.

"Cool! Maybe Kaka-baka is out exploring!" Apollo said with a grin. He loved messing with Kakashi when the then ten-year-old jonin had joined his squad. The little punk was all about rules and regulations and even as Minato, the god lived to bend or break rules.

Especially if it meant getting on Kushina's good side.

"A-spar-with-Kakashi-sensei-would-help-me-burn-energy!" Naruto beamed at the thought of sparring with his sensei.

"We could bet for the mask!" Apollo grinned.

"Perhaps I could get a look at his implanted Sharingan," Asclepius said. "Rin was a medical genius in her own right, a shame she chose to die."

"Yeah, that sucked. Not only did it put Kaka-baka in a funk forever, but Rin was a cutie," Apollo said with a frown. The two sons gave him a dry stare and he shrugged. "I call 'em like I see 'em."

"...I'm-telling-Kaachan."

"You little-Whoa!" Apollo swerved to avoid the Drakon that flew right at them. "What the-? Little bugger tried to scratch my ride!"

"More like he was attempting to flee the energies of two gods, father," Asclepius said.

"That's-the-Drakon-Lia-chan-tagged!" Naruto pointed at it. "It-was-spying-on-us-for-the-Crooked-Asshole!"

"Well, looks like it's Drakon season," Apollo said with a grin. He shifted the gears and drove after the beast. They followed it through the air for a good fifteen minutes before Apollo had enough and looked at his demigod son.

"Clip the wings," he said.

Naruto grinned and reached into his pocket, where he pulled out a scroll. It unrolled across his lap with various different symbols drawn on it. Asclepius watched, intrigued, as his younger half-brother bit down and broke the skin on his thumb and swiped the blood – which surprised him at the amount for a wound so small – across one of the symbols. A cloud of smoke exploded from the symbol – a seal if Asclepius recalled correctly – and once it cleared, he saw that a golden bow now laid on his brother's lap. Naruto flicked his wrist and the scroll rolled itself back up, afterwards it was tucked away with ease.

"My...It's like my bag, only not divine in design," Asclepius said with a small amount of praise. Naruto grinned at him and drew the bow back. The suns in his eyes brightened and an arrow of light appeared.

"Copycat!"

"Imitation-is-a-form-of-flattery!" Naruto frowned at his father. Apollo shrugged it off and kept a good distance between themselves and the Drakon.

"You may fire when ready," he said to the shinobi.

Naruto nodded and released the string. The arrow shot off and impacted with the Drakon's wing. The beast roared and went into a dive. Apollo grinned and drove down after it as it crashed into the park.

"Nice shot," Asclepius said.

"Thanks!"

Apollo parked the car and Naruto was the first to hop out, his bow collapsed and locked in place behind him. He shot off and ran at the Drakon, where it struggled with its bat-like wing to get back in the air. The Drakon turned and glared at him, a roar given in an effort to deter him from his approach. Naruto paid it no mind and let a Taiyoton: Rasengan form in either hand.

"Let's-party!" The demigod charged forward in a stream of light.

Apollo watched from where he sat on the hood of his car, a bowl of popcorn in his lap. "Nice! Applying solar energies to the Rasengan, brilliant!"

"Indeed," Asclepius said as he took a piece of popcorn for himself. "However, even his body can't handle that much heat for too long. There's a limit to a demigod's resistance, after all."

"Psh, tell that to Uncle P and Perce," Apollo said as he popped a handful in his mouth.

"Well, from what I hear, Percy Jackson is an adept with his hydrokinesis," Asclepius said. He took another piece of popcorn as Naruto ducked under the Drakon's tail. "The temperature of the water could still very well kill him if he isn't careful. And let's not forget the water of the Underworld, that could easily affect him as well."

"Yeah, and it's not like he can shake the earth either, so he's got that going against him," Apollo said. He sighed and picked another piece of popcorn. "He's got Uncle P's determination though. And if what Athena says is true, he's got that loyalty thing as his Fatal Flaw."

"Personal Loyalty, yes to put one in danger above all others," Asclepius said. "And Naruto's is similar, correct?"

Apollo watched Naruto with a frown as his son drove one of the Rasengan into the Drakon's side. "Desire of Acknowledgement and Excessive Selflessness."

"Really?" Asclepius asked with an arched brow. That was a strange pair if he'd ever heard it. To be acknowledged for one's actions and yet be so giving at the same time...

"When he was growing up, Naruto was shunned by the village of Konoha," Apollo said. "He had very few friends and when he did get them, they often belittled him due to his immaturity and childish behaviors."

"Which must have been amplified due to a lack of a parental figure," Asclepius said.

"Naruto drove himself to be acknowledged as the best Hokage, who he saw as a person that everyone knew and loved. Though he was not taken seriously, he proved time and again that he had the potential." The god of the sun sighed. "If he hadn't have died, I believe that Naruto wouldn't be that different from Percy Jackson. Perhaps his flaw would only be Excessive Selflessness. He wouldn't be as bitter or broken if he'd not been to the Underworld."

"Broken?" Asclepius asked. "You mean inheriting Helios' abilities?"

"No," Apollo said. He watched Naruto run circles, literally, around the Drakon. The god of the sun sighed. "Naruto didn't believe in fate before he died."

"Really?!" That was certainly surprising. Most mortals either subconsciously feared the ultimate fate, death, or were determined to change theirs. To not acknowledge it at all... "He must have been either very courageous or..."

"Very stupid?" Apollo chuckled. "Yeah, he's not the most theoretical kid in the camp. Probably the most unorthodox fighter you'll ever see, too. Naruto see's an obstacle and instead of trying to go around or over it, he just plows right through."

The gods watched Naruto as he started to slow down, and still had the Drakon on the ropes. Asclepius turned to his father.

"But, aside from his posttraumatic experience with the Fates, how else has he been affected?"

"I think that Naruto believes he is destined to die in the war," Apollo said with a frown. "He's distant and at the same time very affectionate with Thalia Grace. I haven't seen him really depressed since after the Battle of the Labyrinth."

"It was a bad day for the camp," Asclepius said. He did not wish death upon anyone, especially his kin. To hear about the attack that took so much potential...It made his ichor boil. "And Python's decision to take over that shinobi."

"Uchiha Sasuke," Apollo said with a frown. "He was Naruto's first friend and rival. They were blood brothers."

"I see...Yes, I fear you may be right, father," Asclepius said with a sigh. He turned and watched as his half-brother finished off the Drakon with another arrow. The signs were all too clear now: The fight with Ares despite the threat of another Titanomachy, the way he acts with his girlfriend (based on Apollo's word anyway), his actions over the past few years...

They put smiles on their faces as Naruto turned and walked back towards them with his bow rested on his shoulder. The mask he wore was plain to see, carefree and strong, but they saw past it and saw the acceptance that lay beyond.

"The most ironic part of all this?" Apollo said softly. "He was once a Jinchuriki."

Asclepius frowned and looked ahead at the seemingly cheerful teen. "The Power of Human Sacrifice."

* * *

><p>After he parted ways with his father and half-brother, Naruto returned to Camp Half-Blood in record time with a new Drakon Fang trophy for his cabin. When that was put away and he left a clone to watch over the di Angelos, he walked over to Cabin One with a yawn.<p>

Thalia was already in bed by the time he got there and, once he booted Ranger from his side, Naruto climbed into bed behind her and wrapped an arm around her stomach. "So...wanna bet my day was more tiring than yours?"

"Depends," Thalia said. "Did you go to the Underworld and meet the most perverted being in existence?"

Naruto blinked and sat up slightly. "This I have to hear."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: FINALLY! Gods, you have no idea how hard this chapter was to bust out. I mean, holidays aside, I had no muse for it! Now I'm somewhat sick and I'm just wrapping up at over 5K all for you!<strong>

**Do me a favor and Review!**


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